Monday 23 November 2015

Anxiety- everyone is different!

On Sunday myself, my boyfriend, and border collie Toby will be joining the Anxiety UK team and running (well walking in my case) 5k in the Santa run across Media City in Salford, and even dyspraxia and running do not go together for me, I'm feeling excited. It's on home soil for me back home up North which means my mum can come and support me and I hopefully will have a better sense of where I am (well I hope I do.)   It's doing something which I love which is raising awareness of important issues and causes, and spending time with people and animals I care about who've been a huge influence in facing my own struggles. This blog is one of my longer ones but please take a few minutes to read  it you never know who it might help.

 Also most importantly to me it raises awareness of a cause so very close to my heart and will hopefully help others understand Anxiety and how much it affects people differently. Anxiety is one of the most common mental illnesses but at the same time it's one of the misunderstood. The word anxiety is thrown around a lot and not taken seriously, whilst having anxiety in certain situations is a completely normal and natural feeling, an anxiety disorder, constant fear and worry mixed with horrible psychical symptoms is far from a natural feeling and more than just feeling a little bit worried.

 I read this online today 17 lies your anxiety tells you and found it very relatable  and realistic to some of the delightful lies anxiety can tell us, worrying sick that something really bad has happened to your loved ones is never nice for you or for them neither is constant paranoia that you've done something stupid  to embarrass yourself or upset someone close to you;.  http://metro.co.uk/2015/11/22/18-lies-your-anxiety-is-telling-you-5436226/

It's important to remember that although no two people with anxiety are the same, there may be similar symptoms. Anxiety Uk have a very informative page about the physical, behavioral and psychological symptoms of anxiety which can be found: https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help-now/anxietyinformation/

But as I mention in a lot of my blogs everyone is unique and an individual and it's important to see the bigger picture, anyone can struggle with anxiety no matter what background you are from, or what else you have going on in your life it's not a choice and most definitely something you wouldn't want. It's so important not to compare people, yes you may have a friend, relative or loved one who has xyz symptoms or has struggled in abc way but everyone is different and what is important is getting the right help.

Some people may have additional factors, and other mental health issues alongside anxiety such as depression which often goes alongside anxiety, I often find  when my anxiety is bad my mood can be very low at the same time. Also  there are other conditions which  can contribute to anxiety or other mental health conditions such as: medical conditions, visible and invisible disabilities and difficulties, it doesn't mean someones anxiety is any less or more than someone without those contributing factors.

For me, hearing that 96% of people with dyspraxia have anxiety issues as well as their dyspraxia (I know some peoples mental health issues have nothing to do with their dyspraxia.)   Has meant it's something I really want to raise awareness of as on a daily basis I see parents, young people and adults with dyspraxia asking advice for anxiety related issues often not knowing who to turn to. I find the more anxious I get the more my dyspraxia is affected and you get anxiety induced all I can describe as chaos, complete and utter overwhelming chaos. That's one of the reasons why this event is important to me so others know what help is out there.

Just as everyone will have symptoms unique to them, treatment and help choice is unique to the individual too, some people find counselling or cbt helps, some find medications help, some a combination of both or something totally different. What might be effective for one person might not be for another, that's why I've never gone into any depth in any of my blogs about what help I have had as it might not be as effective for someone else.

Some people may choose to be quite open about their struggles, some more private, it's all down to the individual. But what I would add is that never judge someone on what they choose or choose not to post on social media, sometimes everything can seem fine on social media but in reality it can be far from the case. Myself and my boyfriend both have our struggles but show them in different ways. In the past I've had people question my anxiety as they've seen me and my boyfriend go out for cocktails, out for meals or go to pop concerts without seeing what may have gone on before, during or after the event.

I've been struggling a bit with my anxiety recently and thought I would set myself a challenge by taking part in this 5k but also as a way of helping others. For me even though my anxiety has been a big struggle throughout my life (I can remember first worrying at nursery.)  My emotional sensitivity and feeling emotion so deeply has made me have a lot of empathy and understanding for others who may be struggling in life. I know myself how vital having understanding people around you who can give you that encouragement to keep fighting. I also know how much the value of laughter and positivity can be and the initial thought of my boyfriend putting a Santa suit on made me chuckle and I'm sure it will be a laugh with Anxiety UK team.

Anxiety UK have created a team justgiving page,  although me and my boyfriend aren't expecting any donations as it's so close to Christmas and know how hard money is this time of year. If you want to sponsor the link is: https://www.justgiving.com/anxietyuksantarun and if you wish to know more about the services they offer they can be found: https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/ but most importantly thank you for taking the time to read this blog and helping to raise awareness.  Please don't do what I did for years and struggle in silence, you are never alone.



Friday 20 November 2015

Dyspraxia, change and unpredictability

Change is difficult for everyone, the world we live in is an unpredictable place and no matter how much we want them too plans change and every day is different.

For some people with dyspraxia, autism or other hidden differences change and unpredictability can cause a lot of anxiety and worry. As always with my blogs no two people with dyspraxia are the same and not everyone will find this difficult. Also although they co-occur and some people can have both dyspraxia and autism are two completely different conditions.

Unpredictability for dyspraxics can be a struggle for a number of reasons and different reasons for different people. A lot of people with dyspraxia struggle with organisation, organising our thoughts and our bodies in time distance and space. The chaos that comes with struggling with organisation such as: remembering what we need on a day to day basis, getting out of the house on time, remembering where we need to be, keeping our area around us tidy the list is endless. To help us be organised some of us have routines.

Routines can serve an important function for people with dyspraxia/autism because they introduce order, structure and predictability which can help manage anxiety. For some of us when the routine is disrupted it can be quite distressing, I know I can get very emotional and my anxiety levels can rise quite dramatically when the routine I have is broken. I can often have certain shops I like to visit, music I like to listen to, will often order the same food off the menu or order the same drinks. If you know me well I'm sure you'll be aware of some of my routines such as my love of Pepsi Max. I often visualise in my head what will be happening in the day, planning everything which might happen and sometimes planning the conversation topics which I'll talk about.

Some people with dyspraxia struggle with sensory sensitivity so unpredictability in  different environments such as different smells, noises and lights can be overwhelming. I know for me random loud noises like sirens or there suddenly being lots of crowds of people can make me loose my bearings a bit.

 I always find it takes me a while to adapt to new, visiting new places, travelling on new transport or meeting new people. I find I sometimes need my boyfriend to come with me the first few times so I feel comfortable and less anxious. But when I do go to a lot of new places I find it takes up a lot more energy which can leave me feeling exhausted afterwards. But one thing I've realised is to break down new situations and that lots of new all at once just leaves me overwhelmed and struggling to function properly.

Another thing I've found which helps me when I know changes might be happening is by talking about them beforehand to either my boyfriend, my mum or a close friend so I can prepare myself for the changes which might happen such as going on holiday or travelling a different route, or if a plan gets cancelled and focus on different ways to try and manage my anxiety when I'm in the situation and relaxing myself. I've also been trying to focus on if a change does happen or a plan gets cancelled it doesn't have to mean everything has gone wrong and trying to find other plans or other things to look forward to can help. If you have a friend or a loved one who has routines to help them make the way they see the world in a different way more bearable don't  judge them even if some of the routines or ways of coping may not make sense to you.

Even though change can be scary for everyone, I've realised that it doesn't always have to be a bad thing, it can lead to positive changes and positive outcomes and can be a new beginning a fresh start at times. Change can lead to us feeling more positive about ourselves and being able to manage situations better. Sometimes change can be gulp exciting, I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and do something a little bit different



Tuesday 17 November 2015

Anti-Bullying Week 2015: Dyspraxia, Bullying and Breaking Free

I wanted to this blog about an issue which touches so many people in life throughout their life and can have such an impact on someone, this week is Anti- Bullying Awareness week the hashtag used across social media is #antibullyingweek if you wish to get involved and this years theme is "make a noise about bullying."  Even though this is probably going to be a difficult blog to write I hope it helps someone out there, please feel free to share this to someone you might think it might help.

My experiences of bullying have been in varied situations, from in childhood, to university to then into the workplace. Being dyspraxic meant I've always stood out like a sore thumb compared to others, the way I walk and move in a clumsy un-coordinated way which was different to others, always falling or bumping into others or other things,  it made me socially awkward and struggle to maintain friendships, I always had and probably will have different interests to people my own age, I've always been seen as disorganised, chaotic, messy and a bit all over the place and my dyspraxia/dyslexia meant I was a lot slower at a lot of things than everyone else.  I see the world in a very different way because of how my brain is wired which means people used to say I was a bit odd, but in reality I am just a bit different. 

I don't want to bore you all to death and go into lots of detail about my bullying experiences but I put a lot of it down to lack of awareness and knowledge as to what dyspraxia is and how much it affects day to day life. There's a lot of assumptions made about dyspraxia/dyslexia that it must mean you are stupid, clumsy, careless and  not trying hard enough, I even got told  I was a bad role model and I would never be successful or achieve anything in life. On top of remarks being made about my physical appearance (I also have pcos) the way I dressed and, being left out which had an huge emotional effect on me, I had people run away from me and was also physically attacked. 

Words can have such an impact on your life and how you see and perceive yourself. It made me lose what little confidence I had to begin with and I would hear the words of what people were saying constantly. I thought I must really be stupid and ugly if it was constantly being said to me and a long cycle of self hatred began, I became to anxious to speak and when I did speak my hands shook as I was so scared that I would just sound stupid if I spoke, I began self harming and it visibly upset my boyfriend and mum as I was constantly low, beating myself up and saying how they deserved better than me. 

But it was after I presented Mollie King with a fundraiser a few years ago and she wrote me a positive note when I realised that I could achieve something with my life and maybe I wasn't as bad as I thought I was and that I was worthy of positivity. It was after that day I decided that nobody should have to go through what myself or my family had been through and I was determined that more awareness needed to be raised about hidden differences.

 That was over 2 years ago now and since that day I have done 3 speeches, won a the Mary Colley award from the Dyspraxia Foundation and this blog which I began at the beginning of my journey has reached nearly 3/4 of a million views whilst achieving a masters and working as a learning support. I have also been able to prove the people wrong who said I wouldn't achieve anything. Thanks to the ladies at The Dyspraxia Foundation and a supportive boss I have managed to find a purpose in my life and piece back together the broken pieces. I highly doubt I would be so determined and resilient and it's made me a lot stronger person. 

The message I want to get across from this blog is that firstly if you or someone you are close to are or have been experiencing bullying it's not your fault, secondly bullying should never be seen as just growing up and thirdly people bully because they aren't dealing with their own issues properly, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. Please never struggle in silence 

Even though I'm still accessing help to come to terms with what happened to me, I get flashbacks and I still have times when I struggle with my mental heath and my confidence and self esteem isn't amazing but I am working on them. The bullying I experienced has taught me the power of words and why I choose mine so carefully and not make judgments and assumptions about others. It's also taught me that beauty is more than just physical attraction, even though I will never see myself as beautiful I know I have a good heart and that's the most important thing.

Words have the power to encourage, destroy, make someone hate themselves or make someone feel hopeful. I am also determined before I die the world will know more about dyspraxia.  More than anything my mum has a smile back on her face and is hopeful for the future and to me that makes everything worthwhile.




Friday 13 November 2015

Learning to relax


As mentioned in my previous blog about seeing the bigger picture, whilst this way of thinking  from being dyspraxic/dyslexic has brought me a lot of strengths and a unique way of seeing the world it has also made me struggle a lot with anxiety and sensory processing issues which means life can be very overwhelming at times.

As a child I used to get myself so worked up into this anxious fizz and it was so difficult for my parents to get me to calm down, a lot of it was built up frustration from my brain having to work 10x harder than everyone else, the day to day stresses of having dyspraxia to being overwhelmed by various sensory stimuli leading to sensory overload which can still happen as an adult when I get very overwhelmed. Then of course there was and still is the constant worrying, if there is something to worry about in a situation, whether it be about myself, worrying about other people, or the what ifs. Sometimes my most common phrase to my boyfriend is "I'm worried" he calls me his worry pot.

Even though the world can be simply terrifying at times especially when I'm in environments with a lot of crowds, noise, and people which means my sensory overload goes into overdrive, I realised I needed to start learning to relax. It's very easy for people who don't struggle with anxiety and/or sensory issues to say "just relax" or "there's nothing to be worried about" when your mind is thinking of as many worst case scenarios. I've realised that although I can't change environments, make crowds magically disappear, or make sudden  noises stop well being so sudden, there are some changes I have been making to try and help me relax and rationalize my thoughts as being in a constant state of worry can be exhausting and make me have a poorly tummy.

I've mentioned in previous blogs that quite a bit of my anxieties especially in social situations stems from confidence and self esteem and realising I deserve to look after myself and take care of myself this is a long journey which I still need to remind myself of but I'm taking little steps which will hopefully all add up.  Self care can be anything from a bubble bath, to going for a walk, to treating yourself to your favourite food, or relaxing with a book whatever you find helps but just making some time for yourself and find your escape in life.

Before I talk about some of the things which have helped me with my anxiety and sensory overload I think it's really important if you are experiencing high levels of anxiety to seek professional help, mine has helped change my life and put me on a more positive journey. Never struggle in silence, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

In general with anxiety breaking things down into more manageable steps and setting little targets can help wondering just how you can change the way you think can be terrifying but the feeling afterwards once you've fought those anxieties and not let them win, that sheer determination and resilience can make you feel so proud of yourself and so you should be.

  Having good, positive company and people who understand and accept you for who you are and bring positive energy can really help you feel comfortable and relax that little bit more. Having someone to talk to about worries and any anxieties before a social situation and who knows how to help if things get too much and help rationalise thoughts can really help boost confidence or at the same time give some encouragement when they know a situation is going to be tricky.

 Some environments we have no choice to be in, but I think it's important to be yourself and find ones which your dyspraxic self feels more comfortable in. When I experience sensory overload or feel very overwhelmed in a crowd or in a busy environment I find taking myself out of it and trying breathing exercises can help.

 At night time I can find it very hard to relax and switch off, my mind is always on the go, always thinking, which can mean getting to sleep and having a good night sleep difficult especially after a busy stressful day. I've been finding rescue remedy for night time has helped me drift off and sometimes relaxing music, it's all trial and error and finding what works best for you in the long term situations.

Whether you're dyspraxic or not, anxiety is a real battle and learning to relax is definitely something really difficult, but keep taking those small steps forward, keep fighting, you're stronger than you think you are and finally step back and just breathe.




Thursday 5 November 2015

Seeing the bigger picture

In quite a few of my blogs I've talked about seeing the bigger picture and how people who have dyspraxia, dyslexia and other different ways of thinking see the big picture in life, I thought I would expand on this and write a blog about it.

Seeing the bigger picture means to me having a wide view of the world and seeing everything, it also means I see every solution and a whole range of different situations in day to day life. I would say it is one of my biggest strengths as it means I notice things which others might not and can find different and creative ways of solving problems, and I try to always see the bigger picture when it comes to meeting people. Which has lead to me getting myself into some exciting situations over the years, and use my own experiences to help others.

 I always think there are so many other people out there and their families who have gone through what I have and I want to help them as much as I can by writing these blogs, working with charities and try and raise as much awareness as I can whenever I get some advice myself I always think how might this help someone else going through similar, who maybe is struggling in silence or has nobody to turn to. I'm always thinking there might be a reason for why people are the way they are which hopefully makes me come across as an understanding person.

I think it's really important in life not to judge on face value, in reality we have no idea what fully goes on in each others lives, what goes on closed doors, what battles people face. Everyone is different and deals with issues they struggle with differently, some are more open and others more private, it doesn't mean someone is struggling less or more. So it's really important not to make assumptions or judgements. Just like someone doesn't choose gender, sexuality and to have physical illnesses or disabilities, someone doesn't choose to have a invisible difference, disability or mental illness. Issues which are invisible deserve the same respect and understanding. If someone is acting differently, out of character, not being themselves, before you make a judgment try and see that bigger picture.

One thing I have found difficult myself is although I am very good at seeing the bigger picture for other people, I struggle to see it about myself, it can mean my anxieties and worries can think of every possibility which could happen and go wrong, which can lead to me feeling depressed and low, or feeling very sick and poorly. My love of routine makes it challenging when changes happen and how to deal with it, which has always been a challenge throughout my life, when I was younger I used to have anxious meltdowns in so many different situations which I know was difficult for my mum.

It also means still as an adult  I find it difficult to relax and switch off as my brain is always on, always thinking. In my next blog I will be talking about the importance of learning to relax, which I know a lot of people with dyspraxia/anxiety struggle with. Over the last few years I have been slowly trying to change my thought processes and see the positives in a solution instead of jumping to the worst possible, I'd by lying if I said it wasn't a daily battle not just for me but for my loved ones around me.

You never know who you might meet in life  or what situations you might find yourself in when you see the bigger picture.



Things take time

Hi everyone I hope you're well? I first began to write this blog back before the first lockdown and have recently got around to re-editi...