Monday 28 September 2015

Beating yourself up

As human beings we can often be our worst critics, the first to beat ourselves up, the first to criticize ourselves over any mistakes we make. I know this can be said about me, I'm the first to make others to feel good about themselves and tell them to be kind to themselves, as for me it's a lot harder battle.

I think when you have a body which can often do what it doesn't want you to half the times, the pickles you end up in, the mess, the embarrassing timing of the situations it can make you beat yourself up and think "why did you just do that?" My brain has often has an idea of what to do but then the wires and message get tangled up and my body does something completely different, I'm sure all the dyspraxics reading this blog will be able to relate to it and the frustration which can happen after especially when after mistake after mistake, or mess after mess. Comments like just try harder or stop being so careless are so unhelpful. and not very considerate.  Same whenever I used to do a lot of handwritten work and whenever I used to make a mistake or spelling mistake (my work was full of crossing out) or I couldn't get my ideas from my head onto paper, it can be so frustrating but assistive technology can help, and if you or your dyspraxic/dyslexic child is beating themselves up over similar I would really recommend it.

I'm also a massive over thinker and replay situations in my head (normally at unsuitable hours of the day) about situations and worry about what mistakes which could have happened or what I might have done wrong, same with over thinking situations in the future and what might happen, because of the unpredictability of dyspraxia, you never know sometimes what might happen from day to day life, so it's quite easy to fall into a mindset of thinking the worst possible situation which might happen and beat yourself up, the anxiety can make you think why would anyone want to see me? and that I'm wasting everyone's time by me being there. I know it can be quite upsetting for my boyfriend to see me constantly put myself down and over time and with the help I'm receiving, I'm trying to think more positively about myself.  Changing those thought processes into more positive ones can be difficult and a long journey, it won't just happen overnight.

But we can all try and remind ourselves that nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes from time to time, we all need to learn from experiences in life, but if you saw someone else beat themselves up so harshly you would tell them to stop, so why be so hard on yourself. Surround yourself with positive people, people who encourage and make you feel good about yourself.

The journey  may be long and hard but realising you are worthy of it is making that first step, doing little things to help you feel better about yourself, but I believe in you and I know you can do this and if I'm the first person who's told you this today I'm really proud of you. I know things can be hard at times and it's not easy but you're trying your best and that's enough, you are enough.






Wednesday 23 September 2015

Ignorance

My second blog this week focuses on something which I'm very passionate about talking about which is ignorance, it's not a very nice topic but it's something which needs to be talked about. I know so many people close to me have experienced it over a whole range of reasons and I know how upsetting it has been for them. The world around us is such a diverse, different world, no two of us are the same and just because someone is seen as different by society it isn't an excuse for ignorance.

I especially wanted to focus this blog on issues surrounding ignorance in invisible differences, neurodiversity and disability. So many people encounter ignorance on a day to day basis, whether it be in school, university, the workplace, in day to day life. I always think it isn't anyone's business what someone else is doing with their lives, it can be such a struggle sometimes as it is without the need for ignorance. It can domino effect and have such a devastating impact on self esteem, confidence and mental wellbeing.

One of the most frustrating ignorances is when people assume that if your brain thinks in a different way  then they must be "stupid" or "thick" and they can say whatever they like as if the person will fail to understand what is going on. Which is simply ridiculous as so many people are so clever and  have such a creative way of thinking, it's just a different way of wiring.
Most importantly though there is a person behind any labels, someone with feelings, someone who probably doesn't feel amazing about themselves as it is.

I recently came across this article in The Telegraph which highlights some of the 'hidden' social and emotional difficulties experienced by teenagers with dyspraxia who don't quite fit in with their peers

"At home, in the security of her own family, this kid is delightfully charming, funny, clever and good-hearted – but, among her peers, she has always been a misfit. Diagnosed in early childhood as slightly dyspraxic, she can be physically clumsy and socially awkward. Her dyspraxia  makes her hopeless at ball games and team games but, more importantly, it makes her an outsider."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/fatherhood/11823443/What-do-you-do-when-your-child-is-deeply-uncool.html 

I found this so relatable as it reminded me of growing up and into adulthood, I showed it to my mum and she had tears in her eyes as she remembered experiences with me. Whilst we will never fully understand what someone is going through unless we are them we can all try and accept someone for who they are and for whatever differences they have. We can all ask a few questions try and find a little bit more before we assume or judge. Just as we also need to appreciate the impact on ignorance on someone's nearest and dearest- it can be heartbreaking.  I've always prided myself on being a generally open minded non judgemental person, I might not understand completely what someone is going through but  I will always take the time to show a bit of empathy.

To anyone who is experiencing ignorance, whether it be on a daily basis or an isolated incident, whether it be you or your child,  please remember it's not your fault, there's nothing wrong with you, please don't blame yourself. I know that's easy to say when you don't have amazing self esteem and confidence and being a literal thinker it's always been something I've found difficult, but you are worthy and deserving of kindness and happiness.

My friend Hannah has always told me "be the shepherd not the sheep" in life our words and actions can work in two ways, they can make someone's day or break them, be a maker and embrace and enrich yourself in diversity.




Sunday 20 September 2015

The anxious dyspraxic guide to cities and busy places

Following Matt's blog about being persistent I thought I would talk about city life and share some of the things which have helped me. I know quite a few people who have dyspraxia also struggle with anxiety and feel overwhelmed in busy places. I also know quite a few people who just have anxiety who also find cities overwhelming. I think the word anxiety is used way too freely these days, there's a huge difference between being a bit worried and having an anxiety disorder, it can be crippling, I wouldn't want to put anyone through anxiety, it can be horrible.

Whilst moving to London has given me a lot more opportunities, I've met some amazing people and I've had some incredible memories, it's also been quite overwhelming for me as life goes as so much a faster pace and there's so many more people. Firstly I just want to say that if you're reading this blog and think "this is me" there's nothing to be embarrassed about, you're not any less of a person and you're not alone. I used to keep things like this hidden for so long as I thought by admitting to it would make me come across as less as an adult. Some people feel more comfortable in cities and some people naturally don't and that's ok.

Up until a year ago I didn't have the confidence to go anywhere in London without my lovely boyfriend, buses, trains, tubes, trams you name it,  even though I was excited to see him, everything else in simple terms terrified me, and I would find every irrational thought and worse case scenario if I was going to do it myself. Even now if it's somewhere new, we will both do the route together a few times and take note of any familiar landmarks, especially as I also have a fear of escalators so need to find alternative routes. Lucky for me my boyfriend has a good sense of direction and knowledge of cities.

Everyone with dyspraxia and/or anxiety may have different things which make them worry or feel overwhelmed some which could be: being in crowds, sensory overload, getting lost, judging the distance between the train and the platform, the thought of others pushing and loosing your balance, automatic doors closing on you, having to take a different route, sometimes just everything can seem overwhelming. I was finding myself having a lot of meltdowns and anxiety attacks during my journeys, and as well was avoiding situations sometimes too, I was also having lots of the physical anxiety symptoms too.

Changing thoughts from negatives into positives can take a long time, I'm still on that journey myself, battle with them every day but very slowly starting to manage my anxieties. Different things work for different people, I've found seeking professional help beneficial to me as some of the strategies I used back home up north weren't helping. One was to take my dog for a walk after work, sadly he's stayed in Burnley with my parents.

From the moment I get on the bus to when I get off the tube at the other end I listen to music as it blocks all of the background noise out, if I feel myself getting overwhelmed and panicked I take myself out of the situation for 5 mins away from anything and anyone and try and get myself to calm down by using breathing techniques to try and ground myself, if there's lots of people on the tube I close my eyes (whilst sat down otherwise I would go flying) finding a distraction can help like reading a book or magazine or one of the free papers. Having someone who understands even if it's only one person who you can explain how you feel to help rationalise your thoughts.

I've also forced myself to self care and self soothe as it can take a while to calm down afterwards, it took me a long time to realise I deserved to look after myself but I'm slowly learning techniques. I also find having something to look forward to planned can help as like a reward to yourself for doing it. I got advised that having a mantra can help you find the strength to fight that anxiety, each to their own, if you know me well I love a quote, my personal favourite at the moment is, "being brave is being terrified and doing it anyway." Not for everyone but finding something which can motivate you in a positive way can help.

The world isn't a dyspraxia friendly world and there is help out there, there can be disabled railcards, and people at stations which can give you assistance, don't be scared to ask for it if it helps and if you need someone to come with you on journeys if it makes you feel more confident and calm.

I hope some of my advice might help, keep fighting, you're stronger than you think you are, you can do this!



I found this image which describes why some people with dyspraxia and other neurodiverse differences find "new" so challenging, but hopefully over time I will start to see the adventure and excitement over new.




The right environment

Following on from Matt's blog about being persistent, I thought I would talk about how the right environment can help someone with a hidden difference and who thinks in a different way, I know my present working environment has made such a positive impact on me.

Whilst the environment I travel to work in is far from ideal, busy tubes, trains and buses in a city and with crowds of people can be very overwhelming. At the other end of the Northern Line, I'm very lucky that I have an environment which is a little less overwhelming and some of the adaptations which have been made for me are free so I thought I would share in case it helps others.

I've spent my whole life in an educational setting, both at school, uni then later in life as a teaching assistant in a school, whilst I always loved helping people, the environment I was working/studying in was far from ideal for me. It was far too noisy, had so many distractions in it I could never concentrate and was always day dreaming, I was put under pressure to do tasks at speed which meant I was making a lot of mistakes, the more mistakes I made the more anxious I got, and the tasks were never designed for any difference in thinking or learning.

When I first started my job as a learning support assistant and I saw how much paperwork was involved to make sure all the students get the right help and support they need I panicked a bit, I was even told that I might be asked to be a scribe, my reaction to that was: "how on earth are they going to read my handwriting?"  It's not always easy especially when we have a lot to do, but the room where we do all the paperwork is away from the main teaching classrooms, so it's less noisy and overwhelming and I can focus better, it's also cooler which makes things a little easier for me as I'm very heat sensitive.

The desk and chair is at a good height for me, which means my posture is better and we all have our own computer in the room which means I can type a lot of the paperwork up and/or use text to speech software.  My boss is severely dysexic herself and very open and honest about it, she will often say to me "Rosie I'm having a spaghetti head day" so understands that I might need extra time to complete my tasks or need a few minutes fresh air to calm myself down when I  feel myself getting overwhelmed. Which means I can do the best job I can do and what I love the most which is helping the students and I feel like I have a purpose in life. My boss always says to me she can tell I'm dyspraxic by the way I spread my things out, over my desk and my bags etc  around me, I don't think being neat and tidy will ever be my forte in life.

Whilst the world itself isn't a dyspraxia friendly environment as a whole, and I know a lot of people have so many issues getting employees to understand, simple adaptations to help us can make such a huge difference.

Friday 18 September 2015

Being Persistent

In my latest,  I've been asked to talk about persistence and how being persistent can pay off, even if it feels like it never will!

It's been a very busy year for me and Rosie, it has been an emotional roller coaster with many ups and downs, it's been difficult and also a whole lot of fun too! 

Nothing in life is easy, including moving 200 odd miles south to the capital city from a sleepy town on the outskirts of Burnley in Lancashire. Life is faster paced, people push and shove, people pack onto public transport with little regard for health and safety, people rarely thank the bus driver when they reach their destination! 

It's been a difficult time for Rosie, both mentally and physically. Even today life gets the better of her sometimes, and we have emotional breakdowns, this is from all aspects of life, present day-to-day challenges with dyspraxia, dyslexia, and Anxiety which sometimes has lead to depression and the fatigue and lack of energy as people with dyspraxia work 10x harder to do the things people take for granted. Rosie has been writing a lot of posts recently about emotional sensitivity and the links between that and dyspraxia to help others understand themselves better and for parents not to feel alone. Over time life has  started to get better, with the right help and support and a sprinkling of determination.

I keep telling her to remain positive, which I can appreciate is very difficult, but I personally feel that when life kicks you down and makes you feel like a complete fool, you need to do your best to remember the good times, remember the stuff you are good at, yes life isn't always positive at times but everyone is good at something, it doesn't matter how silly or stupid it is, but that is something that YOU are good at, its a positive thought to help you though the bad times! I keep telling Rosie to think of all the positive times we've had as a couple, the extra opportunities that the move to London has brought for her, plus of course how Mollie King from The Saturdays has helped her too!

I've said it in a previous blog, and I'll say it again, the modern world isn't dyspraxia friendly and there still is a lot of work to do for awareness. This is evident in the day-to-day anxiety's Rosie has and how low her self esteem and confidence can be difficult for her at times but she's getting there. There's all the sensory issues, crowds, unknown environments, and all the little things in life we all take for granted may be tricky for someone with dyspraxia even into adult life but she always has the determination and resilience to have a go and keep trying and the determination to prove people who have doubted her wrong.

Rosie is making steps herself, she is slowly realizing that she can help herself, and that she has a awful lot to offer this world. With support from myself, her very understanding boss at work who is dyslexic herself so understands different ways of thinking and seeing the world and support from others and the Dyspraxia Foundation she is realizing that despite being different, it's good to be different, and thinking outside that box really does have a multitude of benefits.

Obviously being 'different' often (sadly) brings its fair share of bullying. It's a said state of affairs that even in 2015, it still is happening- we are all different one day society might understand that. Bullying, in all its formats, shouldn't be tolerated, and people deal with it in a variety of ways. Rosie is now using what she was sadly subjected to, by turning it into positives, by sharing these feelings that she felt, others can feel less different, and can feel if they are experiencing similar someone might think  "that is me .. and if Rosie can get throught it, then I can too!' 60,000+ views on this blog is a testimony to how Rosie is taking a negative and turning it into major positives and helping so many people along the way! 

 I am extremely proud of what Rosie has achieved in the last 12 months. She's slowly adapting to a much faster lifestyle that you have in London - if you don't live in a major city it probably passes you buy - but life is a lot more demanding in major cities.  Rosie ran a 10k race in July, not everyone's cup of tea, and definitely not Rosie's but she managed to do it! Speaking in public is something that scares the majority of people, including myself, but Rosie is now a keen speaker at conferences even though it initially terrifies her, so much so in the comment forms for these conferences they ask to hear more from Rosie at more events and very gratefully accepted the Mary Colley award from the Dyspraxia Foundation.  She is speaking alongside Jessica Starns who is the founder of the Dyspraxic Me programme, at Dyspraxia Foundation Westminster.  https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/living-and-learning-with-dyspraxia-with-rosie-edmondson-and-jessica-starns-tickets-18646304599

Rosie's determination does not let things get in her way, or hold her back. She's proven so many people wrong over the last year who told her to her face that she would never achieve anything, or get anywhere in life - this is a girl with not just a First Degree, but also a Masters Degree! 

Don't let anyone, or anything hold you back dyslexic, dyspraxic or not, no matter how nasty people are, take it as a push to prove them wrong! You are amazing, don't let anyone make you believe otherwise! Please never struggle in silence and seek help if you feel you need it, there are people who do understand out there, maybe not in easy reach, or by other formats such as social media groups but you are never alone. 

To help other Rosie's out there and their families, I will be running 4 10k races for Dyspraxia Foundation, and gulp be speaking alongside Rosie at Croydon Dyslexia Association about living with dyspraxia/dyslexia in adult life and strategies we use. 

https://www.justgiving.com/MattD10k2/

Monday 14 September 2015

The Impact of Creative, Successful, Dyslexic

When I first found out about this book I was excited to read it for 3 main reasons, 1. as someone who is dyspraxic/dyslexic and interested in all things creative and different way of thinking, 2. how I can support my students better in my role as learning support in a college, 3. Mollie King wrote the forward ( no more needs to be said why the latter made me excited.)

When people think of dyslexia they automatically think it's just about reading and spelling, there's also the automatic assumption that the support is readily available and just handed out, in reality awareness for dyslexia has come a long way it's probably the most well known about hidden difference but I think there still needs to be a lot done in understanding dyslexia and the impact it can have on someone's life, often way into adulthood and with day to day life and the impact on any other overlapping hidden differences which may not as well known like dyspraxia.

I found this book refreshingly honest, it talks about the many strengths people with dyslexia can have the out of the box thinking, seeing the bigger picture, a lot about creativity, and how a different way of thinking can be an asset in a lot of situations in life. It also talks about the struggles and battles, the bullying, the ignorance and stigma which had a deep impact on their lives but the determination and resilience which helped them through it. The book features 23 well known faces from,  Sir Richard Branson, Lynda La Plante CBE,  Darcey Bussell CBE, David Bailey CBE, Zoë Wanamaker CBE each with their own story and how now they are using a different way of thinking in a positive way to help them, so there's a story for everyone to relate to.

The main theme I get from reading this book is one of hope, that there is light at the end of often a dark tunnel, and the impact of having one person whether it be a teacher, parent or positive role model in life can have to self esteem, confidence, mental well being and feeling that you can achieve something in life.  The author Margaret Rooke who wrote the book to show her dyslexic daughter, she could still be successful in life,  “We can all be that encouraging adult who, the book shows, can play such a vital role in supporting anyone with dyslexia,” says Margaret. Anyone can be that person whether they are dyslexic or not.

Not everyone will turn to a celebrity or someone in the public eye as a role model dyslexic or not and not everyone will "get it" It's taken me a very long time for people to understand the positive impact Mollie has had on my life, but please don't judge someone if they do for whatever reasons, everyone needs a little bit of positive hope in life.

Even though it is only 3 pages long I found Mollie's forward very relatable and inspiring. One thing I love about Mollie is her ability to see the bigger picture in life which shows clear in this forward and when I've met her in person. Even though she had positive experiences herself with her dyslexia she still sees the bigger picture and recognises that there is still quite a bit of work needs to be done, when I've met her in person she's always been so understanding and caring and very understanding towards the dyspraxic side of me too. I find it refreshing how honest she is about how it still effects her day to day life as an adult, which I think is important although we may develop coping strategies, focus on strengths, it simply doesn't just go away and when I'm having a bad day and my head feels like it's full of spaghetti that there's someone else out there having one of those days too.

I especially loved her words of wisdom. I know personally what it's like not to have that understanding and encouragement both growing up, at university and in the workplace and the impact it had on my mental well being. It may sound cheesy to some people but since being a fan of  Mollie my life has changed for the better and she's given me strength in my darkest times when I was crippled with confidence issues, anxiety and depression to help myself, not let anything hold me back in life and give me hope that I would find understanding people in life which I have now and have an incredible boss who is dyslexic herself and has done wonders for my confidence and given me finally the help and support in life and she sees the strengths of my brain and how it thinks, and most importantly I'm a lot happier. Little messages like that can really help you start to believe in yourself. Before I get carried away I wrote more about how Mollie has inspired me when I blogged about her birthday fundraiser for Dyslexia Action
http://thinkoutsideofthecardboardbox.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/the-dyslexia-debate-mollie-king.html

Earlier this week I got told the story of a colleague's daughter who is severely Dyslexic, crippled by low confidence and self esteem she doesn't have the confidence to go on a bus independently or carry out day to day tasks, she even turned down a course because she believed she couldn't achieve anything or get anywhere in life, I know that was once me, which goes back to my earlier point about dyslexia being so much more than reading and spelling, when someone has poor self esteem and confidence it really can have a crippling effect. Which is why books like these are so important, I've been asked to share my blogs with her so I hope I can be that encouraging person for her.

More than anything this book inspires me and makes me determined in my job as a learning support and through my awareness work and blogs to hopefully be that encouraging person and help as many people as I can, I would hate for anyone to have to go through what I have and feel what I felt, and I hope my own words of wisdom may have a positive impact on someone's life, just as Mollie's have for me. My only hope is that one day there is a book like this for successful, creative dyspraxics too. Wouldn't the world be a boring place if we were all the same, embrace your differences, and encourage them in other people too, you have no idea the positive impact it may have on someone.

The book is available on Amazon with a percentage of the money going to Dyslexia Action: Creative,

 http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B011JA2ZUM/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_4HY9vb15FPSWT



Thursday 10 September 2015

Disclosing Dyspraxia

I got asked for some advice from fellow dyspraxic blogger and all round lovely person Natalie the other week, Natalie is about to start university in the next few weeks and is anxious about disclosing dyspraxia to other people on her course. This is going to be a very honest blog, if it's something which you think you could also share some advice about please do so and feel free to give some in the comment box below. Normally in my blogs I talk about dyslexia and dyspraxia, but I think it's important given the different level of awareness and understanding for this one it's going to be mainly a dyspraxic one.

The thought of disclosing dyspraxia in complete honesty used to terrify me (anyone else felt like that?) I used to avoid talking about it completely, had really bad social anxiety over it. I've always been a private person and never had much confidence talking about me. I always found it a lot easier to talk about the dyslexic side of things as there was more awareness, but as my dyspraxia is more severe I also realised I really needed to talk about that.  My experiences of disclosing dyspraxia have been very mixed over the years, I've had some horrendous experiences but most recently I've had some more positive ones. I think the reason why I got so anxious about it all was because of the lack of public knowledge which surrounds it and the amount of times people haven't known what it is. Also there are so many different bits to dyspraxia it's so much more than just the clumsiness and physical side to it, we are all different, have different strengths, different struggles different overlaps, it can be quite a complex way of thinking, processing and seeing the word, so completely understandable why so many people find it quite difficult to explain everything, look around, look on the internet and make up a discription which fits you, as time goes on, the more confident you will feel explaining.

I always used to think quite irrationally, what if people don't "get it?" what if people
think I'm a bit odd or a freak? what if people think I'm slowing them down or feel like I'm a burden to them wanting help? A lot of "what ifs" in reality yes their sadly will be people who don't get dyspraxia, some may change over time, with some people they will never get it. But I think the most important thing is to stay true to who you are, whilst dyspraxia doesn't define us we want people to accept it and accept it like  everything else about us, whilst we can play to our strengths, develop coping strategies, it's a part of who we are. One thing I've realised recently is that there may be people who have very poor knowledge about dyspraxia but there are a few people out there who are willing just to listen and not judge, the circle you surround yourself with can have such an impact on your happiness, whilst dyspraxia is life long, understanding can make a huge difference.

One of the things which I've always found difficult though is when to talk to people about dyspraxia, and when to bring it up in general conversation. In the past I waited till something  had happened, after I'd had a fall or accident or when I'd made lots of mistakes, I've since realised that wasn't the best approach for me, I still find this difficult so any helpful hints of what others have tried are really helpful. Good friend Monique Craine  has written an excellent blog To Disclose Or Not To Disclose which can be found: http://needtosay.weebly.com/blog/to-disclose-or-not-to-disclose-that-is-the-question

If I can tell someone seems like an understanding person, I might bring it up if something general comes up in conversation, or if people are talking about struggles they have themselves or a family member has. I once got told it's not about shouting it from the rooftops, but telling a few people why you are the way you are and how they can help best and also about the many strengths we have too. I also find talking about my blogs and the charity works helps, as some people seem interested in seeing how I've used my experiences to help others. I know Natalie writes incredible blogs and also uses her own experiences to help others so I can see that working in her favour.

I hope as time goes on, society becomes more understanding of hidden disabilities and differences as a whole, that it's not ok to be ignorant or make judgements and assumptions before you know someone, I know that's a long way off but hopefully fingers crossed over time.

I'm not going to lie I still find it difficult sometimes, but I have been trying to work on my confidence and anxiety, we still have a long way to go dyspraxia awareness wise, but the more we talk, campaign, blog, work together and fight to be heard, one day hopefully we will be able to say "but what if people do understand my dyspraxia?"

I really hope this helps Natalie, always stay true to yourself, be proud of yourself for making that
conversation, it's time to talk about dyspraxia.

Friday 4 September 2015

Dyspraxia Self Esteem and Confidence

Recently I got asked to write a blog about what advice I would give for self esteem and confidence relating to dyspraxia. Before I start this, just wanted to say it's defiantly still work in progress for me but I hope my experiences might help some of you and your children, also some of the self esteem and confidence issues people may have might not be directly related to dyspraxia/dyslexia.

This is such a topic so close to my heart, and in all honesty one of the reasons why I'm so passionate about what I do and why I love helping others so much, I simply would hate for others to have gone through I have and felt what I and my nearest and dearest did.

I can remember even as a little girl feeling not confident and positive about myself, feeling self concious and embarrassed, I even started stooping to stop myself from standing so tall next to others, probably not the best idea given that good posture is good for dyspaxics. Anyone else reading this blog who has experienced or who's child has experienced  bullying knows the negative impact it can have on self worth as a child I was called all kinds of names for being different, one of the worst types is the emotional side, leaving people out, I see daily on facebook groups on how children have been left out from being invited to parties, I remember asking my mum as a young girl "what had I done wrong?" people with dyspraxia/dyslexia have so much to add and now as an adult I know it wasn't my fault.

If you've read my previous blogs you will know about my experiences of bullying and ignorance  in the adult world of work, some of these are still quite difficult to talk about, but nobody deserves to be made out to be stupid or thick or careless because their brains are wired in a different way. I also have pcos  and as any ladies who are reading this blog will be aware it can make you very self concious about yourself and your body and people can be quite mean in life about things like that. For a very long time I think because of a sensitive soul I am and my literal thinking, I blamed myself and I thought I deserved to feel badly about myself, my confidence and self esteem spiralled into anxiety and depression, and my confidence and self esteem crippled me.

I think one of the reasons why people with dyspraxia struggle with confidence is because of the lack of awareness and knowledge about it and the invisibility, wrong and negative assumptions about what we can or can't achive and do. People may not be understanding about mistakes made, or not understand why we may need more time to carry out tasks, or see the label not the person, or not see the many strengths a different way of thinking can have, it can have such an impact on self worth.

For me one of the biggest things which has had a huge impact on me is feeling accepted and encouraged, in my new job I am being motivated and told that I can succeed far, and that my own experiences of dyslexia and dyspraxia can help students. I also have the most amazing boyfriend and best friend who have stood by me and try their best to help me feel positive about myself when I don't. Also I am meeting and talking to other people like me, I've realised I'm not alone, and there's others who have experienced what I have. Finding one person who believes in you can make such a huge difference and is why I am so determined to help other people. If you're reading this blog and  my story reminds you of you or your child, hold on, even though I have a way to go about fully feeling positive about myself I know I am worth happiness, health and life and so are you.

My advice:
Spend time with people who accept you for you and make you feel good about yourself,
Focus on something you're good at and enjoy
Seek help to develop positive strategies in managing confidence/self esteem if it helps
Speak to others who may be experiencing similar you're never alone,
If you see someone who looks like they might be struggling, give them a little boost
There may be things which you struggle with but there will be things you will find as a strength too.
You don't have to be the same or have gone through the same as someone to encourage them,
Your words have such an impact on how someone feels about themselves, choose them wisley, be an encourager and use kindness.



Things take time

Hi everyone I hope you're well? I first began to write this blog back before the first lockdown and have recently got around to re-editi...