Thinking Out Of The Box

With the hustle and bustle of daily life we sometimes forget to unwind and look after ourselves. For a few days myself and my boyfriend have been away to a woodlands near York to help us escape and unwind for a few days.

 It was especially important for me to do this as for some reason my anxiety levels have been very high recently. I noticed how much it was effecting me and knew I needed to do some self care. When you're constantly on edge and struggle to switch off because your mind is overthinking and overcomplicating situations it's no fun. I think it's especially important for people who have hidden differences to take some time out and relax as our brains are working 10x harder than everyone else. 

Being so determined can mean our brains get very frazzled at times and given the visual nature of our way of thinking make sleeping hard. But for me the hardest thing has always been forcing myself to realise that it's not selfish to look after myself or look after my own mental health and wellbeing. I always feel so guilty like I should always be on call helping other people with their struggles in life and putting myself bottom of the pile. When things get all too much it's important to find things which work for you, these might be advice from a counsellor or therapist, medications although this is a very personal decision, and methods which work for you.

If you told me a few years ago that I would be here writing a blog after completing a 10k run I would have laughed. Everyone in life regardless of whether there's a label or not behind it has things we struggle with and things we're good at, we all have comfort zones and find ourselves sticking to do things which we know are safe and know we will have no problem at doing.

Today something has happened which I could never posibly imagined my blog has reached out to 50,000 views as someone who always struggled with writing and organising my thoughts and someone who isn't the most confident of people socially blogging has been a way of me finding my voice both written and verbally. I'm waiting to wake up and think this is real. I get quite shy and embarrassed over things like this so I'm going to keep it quite short and sweet -never one to be centre of attention.

Writing this blog has never been about how many views it has or anything like that and the main aim has always been to help others. If this blog has helped one person who has been going through a difficult time, then it has all been worthwhile.

As many of you who regularly read my blogs will know the last few years for me have been a huge journey it's had ups, downs, chaos and creativity. Even though some of the things which I was experiencing weren't so great it made me so determined that the same wouldn't happen to others and for them to feel like I did. It's so important to me that there is awareness about things which are hidden to the eye, for people to know what dyspraxia is, that dyslexia is more than just reading and spelling  and it's equally important to me that the positives of neurodiversity and that people are given the right help and understanding to achieve their potential whatever that might be in life.

Thank you so much if you have given my blog a read it honestly means the world to me, I am very lucky to have some amazing charities who regularly share my blogs and I'm so grateful for it and I feel so proud of myself. We are all different, and we all see the world in a slightly different way, embrace those differences and sprinkle kindness around there is never such thing as too much kindness.

You never know what might happen when you dare to be different and think outside the box. Anything is possible, never let anyone tell you you can't! Smile :)

Lots of Love
Rosie
xxx

Here's a list of a few people who have been a huge support to me and write/ do incredible work to help others- you're all so inspiring. Please have a look at the amazing work they do.

My incredible boyfiend Matt who I would never have had the confidence to write this blog without and my amazing best friend Jess who is running 10k with me on Sunday.
The incredible team at Dyspraxia Foundation who have done so much for me and my blogs:
https://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/
The incredible team at British Dyslexia Association who are always so positive about my blogs
http://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/
Dyslexia Action: http://www.dyslexiaaction.org.uk/
Anxiety United: http://www.anxietyunited.co.uk/
Natalie http://t.co/AkAwqmqQaB
Anna: https://t.co/fW1yPrummj
Claire: http://eclairscares.blogspot.co.uk/
Megan: https://www.justgiving.com/Megan-Stevens2
Hannah: https://t.co/Upt4kVEXcB
Krystal http://t.co/jelRHsAQl7
Julie and her team at Digitamworth http://dig-itam.weebly.com/
Monique's amazing blogs about neurodiversity http://needtosay.weebly.com/
Dyslexia champion Sarah Chapman http://www.youngdyslexics.co.uk/
BDA young ambassador Olivia and her dad Tim Loder
The Codpast http://www.thecodpast.org/

It wouldn't be a Rosie thank you blog without thanking the lady who has inspired me not to let anything hold me back in life, to the lovely Mollie King thank you.

A common question I have got asked over the years is how people can help a friend who may have a hidden difference, or how can people get friends to understand them. It got me thinking and sometimes it can be as simple as just being a listening ear. I hope this blog helps some of you.

If you know someone who has a hidden difference in the mist of all the chaos especially when someone has dyspraxia it can look on the outside like a whole ball of tangled overwhelming chaos, it can be very difficult to understand what is going on especially when you can't see it. I've met a lot of people who want to understand but don't know how to go about it in the right way, or be condescending or do something wrong. There will always be ignorance, but there always be people who want to try and understand even if they don't know much.

One of the best things you can be is just a listening ear, listen to the person, firstly see the person, see their strengths, then see what they might find a little challenging. Neurodiversity is such a huge umbrella, so many people have various overlaps and may have more than one, it's so much than just the labels we are all different and that's what is important no two people are the same. Alongside the different way of thinking many people have issues with confidence and self esteem, anxiety maybe depression too.  If we try and be a listening ear self esteem and confidence will rise and it will have an impact on achievement and success.

Listening in a non judgemental way can help someone find a voice which they maybe have never had before. Earlier in the week I was watching The Autistic Gardner and a lady called Victoria said it was the first time her views had been listened too. As someone who can struggle finding the right words to use sometimes, I know the feeling  and value when someone gives you a chance to have a voice and you are heard, it can uncoil creative potential and a different way of viewing and seeing situations. At the Dyspraxia Foundation conferences I always see the relief sometimes the tears from parents, to finally have someone who has someone who will listen. I see it daily on facebook groups where parents of children with dyslexia/dyspraxia just want someone who will take the time to listen. Every week on Twitter #DDChat happens which connects neurodiversity across Twitter and gives everyone a chance to share their opinion and be heard. I have also found the Anxiety United community very good in providing a listening ear. It can take a lot of courage to open up especially when you feel too anxious to.

Listening can not just make someone feel better but can drive them to have the confidence to develop coping strategies and empower them to see their strengths. If someone is having a hard time listen, if someone is coming up against something or petrified of doing something and their anxieties are making it terrififying listen please don't judge. Your consideration and help might just be the one thing which can turn a friend, family members or child's life around. You are never alone- a huge thank you to all who have been a listening ear to me- it means so much to me.

On Sunday I will be walking alongside fellow dyspraxic blogger Natalie and my boyfriend Matt around the British 10k course all in aid of Dyspraxia Foundation and raising dyspraxia awareness. It will be both a physical challenge and after quite a few rough months anxiety and mental health wise a mental challenge too. Alongside anxiety and the dyspraxic brain working 10x harder comes a lot of fatigue and tiredness. I was very close to pulling out of this due to my anxiety and fatigue struggles. But I've  decided to give it a go, no matter how slowly or uncoordinated I may go, I hope it shows one of the big strengths dyspraxics and those who may struggle with mental health issues have which is determination and empathy for others.

Whenever the word P.E was brought up throughout my life it made me feel full of dread, It made me feel embarrassed and very self conscious too. The reason why I dreaded it so much was because of how much co-ordination, balance,  gross motor skills and spatial awareness all the activities required. But the dyspraxic chaos often started well before the lesson began, I couldn't remember what I needed to bring with me, where to go, it used to take me so much longer than everybody else to get changed as I couldn't co-ordinate the movements over my head, often things would end up back to front inside out.(They still do- the amount of times I've realised my labels are hanging out of a cardigan or jumper.)

I was always the one who was chosen last to be a part of the team, the person nobody wanted to be partnered with and the one who was always last. I was the only person who couldn't hit or catch the ball (maybe nearly knocked a few people out with my bat mind) I would topple over as I tried to keep my balance and would bump into everyone who came past me. It had a detrimental effect on my self esteem and confidence and I used to beat myself up so much, something which has carried into adulthood. But I never gave up, I persevered, bruises and all. As as an adult, my dyspraxia hasn't simply gone away, I still find day to day tasks a challenge and they take me 10x longer, I walk with a clumsy gait (you can always hear me coming) and my arms and legs often don't co-ordinate together, I make quite a few mistakes, often with quite a mess and I get very frustrated with myself at times, but I'm a very determined soul, and carry out tasks in my own unique way. As you can imagine from reading the above taking part in a 10k walk, is quite a physical challenge for a dyspraxic never mind stepping out of my comfort zone.

Alongside the physical side of dyspraxia is the social side, social anxiety is something which I've blogged about quite frequently, alongside anxiety itself. The thought of being surrounded by elite runners, crowds of people, the sensory environment of being in a city and generally people watching me do any kind of exercise makes me feel sick or like I want to hide away. My idea of exercise is taking my dog for a long walk or going for a swim. Then of course there's the over thinking and the anxious mind coming to all kind of conclusions  but I know the anxious mind can tell lies and all will be ok. My anxiety can lead to low mood, alongside fatigue which comes alongside dyspraxia which affects my motivation and energy so trying to find the energy to get round this 10k has been on my mind, but hopefully all be a positive step in the right direction. Anxiety has taken so much from my life and stopped me from enjoying life, hopefully in time I will learn to manage it rather it controlling me,

My mum always tells me from a very young age I've always been determined  and determined to prove those who doubted me wrong. When people see dyspraxia or any other difference or disability people often make negative assumptions that we're lazy, careless, look like we're not trying or won't get far which is far from the case, we are simply just different and carry out tasks or see the world in a unique way. Which all comes down to lack of understanding and awareness and assumptions, especially about issues invisible to the eye.

This is something which needs to change, and I hope by stepping out of my comfort zone completely and wearing my Dyspraxia Foundation T-shirt with pride others may be able to take some positivity from it, and celebrate what us dyspraxics have to offer, plus hopefully raise some awareness and most importantly make a difference.


One thing which will help get me round is encouragement and reassurance, something I've been very grateful for these last few months, the little things can really make a huge difference when you don't find day to day tasks easy or go through a rough patch in life. Also feeling included, the race itself maybe isn't a fully inclusive event for people with differences or disabilities (which I think more should be, as it would encourage more people to take part and reduce my anxieties) but having friends, family and the Dyspraxia Foundation team cheering us on at 9k after the yearly AGM  and a youth group conference the day before, will make such a difference from being the girl nobody wanted on her team. Feeling included is such an important feeling for many dyspraxics.

The Dyspraxia Foundation themselves have provided my family with a lot of reassurance from when I was first diagnosed aged 4, and helped us feel not alone and less isolated, and I've met some wonderful people in my life thanks to them. For many years dyspraxia and mental health were my little secrets, I did everything I could to hide them from the world, but then I met others like me.  Maybe this will encourage someone else out there to step out of their comfort zone too.

If you would like to sponsor us and can spare any change our just giving link is: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/MattD10k2 thank you for your kindness.