Thinking Out Of The Box

Hello :) Hope you are all well and managaed to soak up some summer sun. I thought I would blog about my experiences at university, some strategies I used to help me which might be useful to someone you know or yourself or even if you have neither and just want some tips for being at uni and I thought I'd share some humerous stories which happened- like I always say there's never a dull moment with a dyspraxic. I think it's important especially from a dyspraxic perspective that it doesn't just include study skills. Whilst a lot of people with dyspraxia and dyslexia will need access to help them study that was myself included. There's also so much more especially if you're living away from home independently for the first time, which can seem daunting to everyone (I mean what do you do without your mum's home cooking!) but can be very overwhelming for those who have dyspraxia and dyslexia as we don't like change or unfamiliar situations and it can take a while for us to find our baring. So I thought it was very important to talk about strategies for day to day independent living too.  If you haven't chosen to go to uni don't feel bad, work with how your brain works to it's best ability. Be proud of how far you have come, a lot of students and your parents will have fought long battles to get you help, be proud of your courage and determination.

Before going to university I was quite apprehensive, I really struggled organising myself and the objects around me, my bedroom at home was like a bomb site (I like to think it is now more a bit like disorganised chaos) my memory was like spaghetti, and I could  barely direct myself in my own home town never mind a brand new town. Also even though I desperately wanted to be independent and learn to cook and do simple things like use an iron without burning a huge hole in it or using a washing machine without turning my whites to blues it was a struggle. Then on top of that was the academic struggles such as planning an essay, reading lots of long texts and processing what I had read and making my spelling look relatively like in English. If you're thinking this is me and currently in a ball of anxious chaos then hopefully my blog might help you, equally if you think a friend or someone your course might be showing signs and may not have been picked up at school or college maybe it could help them to.

The best advice I can give  to have coping strategies which use your strengths, so if you're a visual thinker maybe writing things down on your door or having post it notes up might help you, break tasks down into manageable chunks, then you're more likely to complete them and to a good standard. My mum always tells me with a lot of tasks I'm 90% there but then loose concentration, focus or memory. It's usually tasks which require a lot of fine manipulation and fine motor skills, that might be preparing food, making sure I clean an area and reach all the bits, or making sure I get all the creases out when I iron my clothes. It's best to set yourself small manageable goals which you're able to achieve and next time do a bit more. My mum has always told me to do things in a rule of 5 to check 5 times. Being organised will help you so much, and help you in the world of work afterwards. Try and have a set place for where you put important things like keys, books, your, phone, purse/wallet.  But it's important not to beat yourself up when things might not go to plan, I remember once accidentally leaving my hairdryer on when I went out, locking myself out of my room many a time and having to visit security to ask for a spare key and the biggie falling down a slope breaking my ankle and dragging down my friend down with me and ending up in pot for the whole of Christmas. Even on my university interview it'self I fell up the steps (typical Rosie.) No matter how many strategies we might have we still have good and bad days. I'm still the clumsiest person you'll ever meet in life and have the spacial awareness of well nothing, as for my balance... It's times like that to remember your strengths and laugh there is never a dull moment with a dyspraxic. Make sure you take time to self care and listen to your body and take time to rest and look after yourself and emotional well being. It may feel like you're different to others and have a quirkier way of seeing the world, but find interests which suit you. I faced some bulllying and ignorance whilst at university which I've mentioned in previous blogs  but hopefully the more we speak out the more there will be awareness.

When it comes to academic support make sure you check what disability support is offered at your uni, make sure you apply for DSA, and find out what works for you how your brain is wired. Stop comparing yourself to others. I always used to feel bad that it took me 10x longer than everyone else writing my essays, with all the processes which take place when my friends could write one in a night, but I learnt to accept it and the pride I felt when handing them in. It defiantly made me more resilient and determined to get things finished. My good friend Kerry Pace runs a company called Diverse Learners where she offers studying through skype which fits in with you, she's also dyspraxic herself and talks about the many humorous situations she's got in called Kerry Calamities, she's literally an older version of me. She can be found here: http://www.diverse-learners.co.uk/ but it just shows the whole range of support which is out there, likewise if you think you might be struggling do something about it with the right strategies it can make life so much easier for you.

A little bit of advice for if you're a friend of a dyspraxic/dyslexic at university or in general in life, please try and be mindful, patient and understanding and most importantly positive. Understand that it might take someone 10x longer to do what might be simple tasks to you, they might make a mess either around them or on themselves and you might have your best wine glass broken it doesn't mean they don't care or are careless or have had their parents doing everything for them it's just the way the dyspraxic brain works and how we perceive distances to objects. They might do things in their completely unique way but that's ok that's just how their brains are wired. Please be mindful of how low their self confidence may be at times due to past negative experiences but tell them all the things they can do and praise the little achievements.


I'm writing this blog the proud owner of a 2:2 and a masters degree, and living independently away from home, I will always be dyspraxic and dyslexic but my experiences have shaped who I am and made me a lot more determined in the world of work- anything is possible! You're not alone in your journey.

Sometimes we often feel like we're not worthy of help and support we feel like other people have it so much worse than us. I have often found myself feeling like that I loose my confidence in myself so easily, and in the past I've neglected my own feelings. One thing I've found from spending time on the Dyspraxia Adult Facebook page and twitter in general is how many people struggle with confidence and self belief about themselves. I know this isn't a solely dyspraxia/dyslexia thing and so many people can feel like this too. With the Dyspraxia Foundation Youth we are hoping to launch some leaflets covering what young people and teenagers with dyspraxia may need and one of them which has been a stand out to do so far is mental wellbeing. I'm the kind of person who hates letting people down, who doesn't want to let things hold me back in life, I feel very guilty if I think I've upset someone else. But my need to make others happy means I forget to look after Rosie and can lead to burn outs and I've noticed when I get burnout my dyspraxia gets 10x worse think burning yourself on straighteners, breaking a new necklace, falling over many objects, and generally feeling chaotic (I'm sure you'll all know what I mean), let's just say today is another day and I hope if you had a day like mine was today is another day too, take a deep breath no matter if you’re on cloud 9, rock bottom, or just okay, you are worthy. It's important we start these young and children with differences in thinking and of course everyone is told what they can do.


You are worthy of:

• Life
• Help
• Support
• Nourishment
• Love

Just because you feel like someone is struggling more than you in life whether it be academically or emotionally or generally in life, doesn’t diminish your worthiness of reaching out. If  you feel like things are getting worse and you would benefit from extra support then you deserve to reach out. I know that can be a really really hard thing to do, but trust me, the long term effects can be so worth it. I know dyspraxia support isn't easy to get, nor dyslexia support but please take care of your emotional well being and can have a knock on effect on your dyspraxia/dyslexia, they all end up interlinked some how and your confidence can have a knock on effect on your day to day life.


Every single persons experiences are different, there are no ‘set’ feelings that you must experience to become worthy of help. People’s symptoms and personal experiences are so diverse that they should never be compared. It’s not right and that includes if you feel your mental well being is struggling as well as your dyspraxia.


You are important
You are worthy
You are amazing and it doesn't matter if you're brain is wired differently than others.
It's your journey not anyone else live your life for you.


Never tell yourself anything different! Help is available, you deserve to look after yourself. Enjoy the sunshine!!

Following on from my blog about disclosure I thought I would write a blog about seeing past the labels and not letting them define you or other people you might know, I just think it's so important to see past labels and see the person and get to know the person. When you have a different way of thinking, disability or mental health issue or a combination of all different things.


Whilst I think it's so important that others are aware of the impact on how much something can effect someone in different situations and awareness is so important, but you should never define someone or refer to someone as their struggles. In life I've been seen as "Rosie the dyspraxic" or "Rosie the anxious dyspraxic" I spent 2 years in a job where all I was seen as was someone who had lables attached to me and it has such a detrimental effect on my mental wellbeing. Whilst dyspraxia/dyslexia has had a huge impact in my life, brought many strengths to me, has been something I've spent many years studying about and raising awareness will always be something I will be very passionate about,  I'm very proud of thinking in a different way I've also met some incredible people through the awareness work I've done. But is the only thing worth knowing about someone is their labels? They are not my life, they have helped shape my life and my values and how I treat other people but they are not  just me. I am Rosie.


When I was in a very dark time over the last few years one thing which really helped was that my boyfriend and friends still saw me as Rosie, Matt is very good at knowing when  I can get in a flap it's the irrational thinking of anxiety talking, or if it's the my brain thinking in a negative way, he knows sometimes it's out of my control and has been a great help in helping me gain control, but he knows that those irrational thoughts aren't Rosie.


Rosie loves to go shopping, have a few cocktails or share at a bottle of wine, loves travelling around the UK seeing different cities, towns and cultures,  loves being creative, do charity work is fascinated by animals and always be a dog lover and feels at home in an arena when the lights go down and the audience screams for the act. I like to think I'm a good friend, and have a very easily amused sense of humour. There's so much I want to do and see and achieve.


The thing that hurts me the most is when people treat me as if I’m a child or stupid just because I’m different sometimes it feels like this overwhelming need I have to prove myself to others and what I can do. Sometimes it can feel like having a different way of thinking that nothing is expected of you. But different ways of thinking, and disabilities need be seen differently


 Now I’m not saying that everyone should like me, far from it. I’m saying that people should like or dislike me based on who I am not just simply on the fact I have dyspraxia/dyslexia/anxiety. Please don’t judge me on the one thing I have no control over. There is so much more to a person than their different way of thinking, disability or mental illness they had no choice over getting. Describe people by their talents, their personality traits or achievements.  and don't make someone' struggles the only descriptive thing that you say about someone. There is so much more to someone than their labels.
 

I put out a request on the Dyspraxia Foundation adult Facebook page the other week if anyone had any requests for blogs for me to write to help people the most, and one which became very popular was that a lot of people felt that there needs to be more help about disclosing to other people about dyspraxia and other hidden differences which cannot be seen by the eye. It really got me thinking as it's been such a big personal issue to me throughout my life.


This week I did something which even few months ago would have filled me with terror and physically made me shaky, that was to disclose about my personal journey in employment and open up about dyspraxia, dyslexia, the emotional impact it's had on me, my family and my relationship and how I'm thanks to an incredible boss in a lot better job and place. It wasn't just to talk about it to one person it was to the local press to help support the Dyspraxia Foundation workshops and raise awareness, overwhelming is the word to use describe how I've felt from the response I've got, it really has meant so so much to me and I feel really proud of myself.


Disclosure has always something which I've found really difficult, as a child and throughout my life I've faced a lot of bullying and ignorance which has had a marked impact on my confidence and how I've perceived myself, and had a knock on consequence on my mental health. I became so scared of opening up it became a social anxiety issue. Some people who may know me well may remember me phoning Mollie King up on radio one asking for advice on this matter, I was physically shaking doing this, sweaty palms, my voice terrified. One of the reasons I've always been inspired by Mollie is because she was open about her dyslexia before she was famous and it made me feel ok about being open. It made me think that opening up about hidden differences whether they be physical, mental health, a learning difference should not be a taboo subject and something which it's ok to talk about without stigma. I used to get so scared that people would think I was a freak, wouldn't want to know me more or would want to run a mile and not understand me. Thinking more rationally now I know that was the anxiety talking.


Dyspraxia is still poorly understood and many people don't know much about it, but the dyspraxia foundation do a lot of amazing work to help more people understand. A lot of people still see it as just clumsiness, and can make assumptions that we are just careless or lazy. But once you find out more you realise what a positive way of seeing the world it is and at the same time how people can struggle with the things on a daily in life many people would take for granted such as crossing the road, fine motor skills, being able to navigate yourself in a busy crowd. The same can be said for dyslexia for many people it's so much more than just reading for spelling, but at the same time an amazing creative way of thinking.


Even though I still struggle with being open and anxiety sometimes can effect me seeing myelf and have confidence in myself in a positive light. I've realised how by speaking up it can help other people who may be going through the same thing. I've realised there's so many people who have said "me too" in conversation or may know of someone and how common hidden differences and mental health are. I have had so many people say my blogs have helped them, their children, or helped them understand people who they know and that means the world to me. Knowing I've helped others has made everything worth it. Mollie herself has said some lovely words to me too which has been incredibly motivating for me. I've started to realise that there always will be people who don't take the time to understand, but it's their problem not mine. I'm now really proud of my brain being wired in a different way and all the positives in my life and opportunities which have arisen.


To anyone reading this who is thinking "nobody will ever understand me" I hope this blog can be a little bit of hope, there will be people who understand, you may have to look hard for them and they may not come easy to you. But the more we talk about differences hopefully more eyes will be open and difference won't be something which people are scared of. I no longer live behind a mask scared of being Rosie.


Some advice which might help other people feel more confident disclosing

• The little things matter, ask people how they are with a cup of tea or drink, these little things can mean the most.
• Find people who you can talk to
• Practice before disclosing so you know what to say beforehand
• It's your own personal decision to disclose
• Never be ashamed of who you are or how your brain is wired
• The more we talk the more people will hoepfully get it, never let an ignorant experience silence you.
• There are so many people going through what you are in the world - you're not alone
• Most importantly: By opening up you could help someone else have the confidence to open up, and how many people might be able to relate or even be inspired by your story
• If I can do it so can you and I was once a quivering wreck!