Thinking Out Of The Box

Even though this blog may feature specific different ways of thinking I don't want people who might not have these be put off from reading it as self care is so important for all of us. Hopefully this blog might open people's eyes to some of the emotional difficulties people can struggle with and it will offer some help and strategies to make life a little bit more calmer.


With the hustle and bustle of daily life sometimes it's just go go go, we have no time to think or just stop. We're all thinking what has to be done today, tomorrow, next week, next month, how we're going to do it, how we can afford to do it and who else it will involve. When you have a hidden condition this is all magnified as your body and brain and body are taking 10x longer to process information, do the simplest of tasks, and genuinely just be able to get through the day, it can leave our minds and bodies prone to exhaustion. Then you get the frustration and the overwhelming sense of anxiety when things don't go to plan or there is a change of routine. Many people with dyspraxia/dyslexia hate to let people down, we want to please people and get the job done well, we hate to think we could have upset someone or let them down in any way, and worry about the emotional consequences the "what if's" and being visual thinkers it can play on our minds till we think of every eventuality and every little thing that might go wrong. Then there is the embarrassment and the sheer frustration when we get the tiniest thing wrong or make mistakes which aren't up to standard, we question why our bodies and brains might be doing that and emotionally beat ourselves up for it, thinking "why has my body just done that? can't it just do what it's being told to do." Then there's the additional layer of judgement and ignorance from others. We're probably our worst critics and beat ourselves up way to much and far too harshly. This means that we can sometimes forget to look after ourselves, almost we think we don't deserve to look after ourselves, we keep pushing ousrselves and our bodies till BAM it all comes to a stop and an emotional melt down can happen everything just says no, enough, stop.


Over the last few months I've realised the importance of self care, or in reality  I got told by the people who love and care about me that I must start looking after myself more as I was making myself mentally unwell and poorly. I get so passionate about the things I love and the causes I believe in and helping others through those battles that sometimes I forget about my own battle. I'm so selfless about other people I forget to be selfless to myself. Even though thanks to professional help and an amazing support circle you know who you are I am a lot better at looking after myself it's something which I constantly have to keep reminding myself. Here are some strategies which might be able to help and some strategies which parents, friends, family members might find useful too as it's important for you to look after yourself too. So easily people with hidden conditions can develop additional mental health issues like anxiety and depression it's so important to look after yourself.


Self Care

• What would you tell someone else? Think what advice you would tell someone else and follow your own advice.
• Be kind to yourself sometimes we are our own critic
• Don't beat yourself up over the little things we all make mistakes we all have bad days it doesn't make you a bad person.
• Rationalise your thoughts and think realistically will everything really fall apart if you don't do x,y or z or don't help someone.
• Be honest and open to the people you care about, don't try and keep going just to please them.
• Read a book, run a bath, have a massage do something for you, which will nurture your body.
• Eat well nourish your body with good food
• Nourish your mind with good thoughts and good people it's ok to be selfish sometimes, it's ok to delete things which are toxic to you. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. Do what makes you happy.
• Be proud of yourself and reward yourself for every achievement and for the good things you do.
• sleep and don't feel bad for taking a day off to just look after yourself

Firstly thank you so much to everyone who read my last blog and for all the positive feedback and comments it means so much. To follow on from that blog and some very valuable training I had yesterday at Get Connected where I am very proud to say I have been accepted as a volunteer. One of the main topics of discussion was how as volunteers we have to be none assuming, understanding and empathetic and it got me thinking. We all make assumptions either about other people or situations, we're human beings and it's a natural way of thinking, it doesn't make us bad people at all. But sometimes when it comes to hidden different ways of thinking or mental health issues where you can't visibly see what is wrong or how the brain is processing information. We need to see the bigger picture and try not to make assumptions, as those assumptions can be quite detrimental to a person.


As someone with dypraxia it can mean I'm often quite messy, the clothes I unpacked from mine and my boyfriends recent break away are still piled high on a pile infront of me, some which really need putting on a hanger. When I go out for a meal sometimes I end up with whatever I've been eating around my mouth or a few stains on what I'm wearing. Whenever I'm creative it looks like a glitter ball has exploded all around me and when I try and present my work it can look like the Egyptian hieroglyphics. Throughout my life there's been the assumtion that I musn't care, or haven't taken the time when I'm doing things or even been told that I'm lazy. When in reality I do care very much and the embarrassment and shame normally tinges from my cheeks when I make a mess, my brain infact is working 10x harder than most other people to process information along the wires and sometimes those connections get jumbled up. How often do we see someone who is a messy eater and assume they have bad manners or simply doesn't care.


How many times do we see someone who writes something which lots of spelling mistakes or handwriting is all over the place and assume they aren't trying their best. At school I was constantly told that I must try harder and take my time to make things look nicer, in reality I was exhausted from trying so hard and used to fall asleep for a nap when I got home. This can really dent self esteem and confidence and self perception, if you're constantly told you're not trying and people have low expectations of you, you start to believe it, you stop having a go at things you're good at and enjoy and become very anxious about making mistakes and constantly overthink when you do make a mistake.


Which leads me onto my next point the social side, the way people process information in a certain way can mean people can struggle in social situations. I support some incredible students who are on the autistic spectrum, some of them can be quite blunt, to anyone who has very little understanding of the autistic spectrum assumptions can be made that people are rude. The same can be said for mental health issues because you can't see what's going on assumption can be made and this can be very upsetting for the person who is struggling. I know when I get really anxious and panicy in social situations, my social skills can be none existent and the only thing which can calm me down is to rock in a dyspraxic un co ordinated fashion or to pace around , it's not the right way to deal with things and to on lookers people probably think what on earth is she doing? But it's my brains way of processing information. Since I've started learning self care tips and from other advice I've started building up more positive coping strategies. But to those who might not know me well assumptions might be made.


 My boyfriend who isn't dyspraxic ( although has been asked much to his amusement quite a few times if he is ) can find some social situations tricky and it can make him go really quiet and anxious if you don't know him well again you would probably wonder what on earth was going on. Thats why I think it's so important that if you do see someone who might not find social situations easy whether they have a label attached to it or not, not to judge or assume or come to conclusions that someone is a bit weird or odd.  We need to fight against these stigmas and by simply having an understanding view of things it can make someone feel so much better about themselves. That's not saying that there isn't interesting characters of people around but once you properly get to know someone you can tell who and what is genuine and by what kind of heart. Often if you see past someones struggles and quirks you can see what a warm big heart they have. I pride myself on being pretty selfless and non assuming, I have a pretty big caring warming heart to near enough everyone I meet, sometimes my anxiety might make me come across in a different way but that warm heart will always be there.


To finish off this blog I'm going to briefly touch on social media something which Matt has quite a bit in his previous blogs, a lot of dyslexic and dyspraxic people struggle to get their ideas onto paper which means that written articulation may be a struggle for some people, assitive technology can help this but sometimes when you can't get your thoughts down in your head how you want them onto paper or screen it's easier to use shortened or simpler ways. Socially people can make assumptions on how that comes across but it's so so so important that you see the bigger picture, put all the pieces of the jigsaw together.


I hope this blog has opened some eyes on how important it is to not make assumptions, we all do and it's fine but you never know how someones brain is wired and how that wiring can effect someone we need to keep talking about different ways of thinking as much as we can so people can make positive assumptions and see the positive things our brains can do, the end result is that there is so much more happiness. My friend Hannah or @hannanar on twitter as many of you know has just written a blog on hidden disabilities as it links in this one I thought I would share a link http://t.co/PvL6tZLYGU

Firstly I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has read my last blog and for all the positive feedback.

As I have been asked to do a speech at The Dyspraxia Foundation conference in March: Adolescence into Adulthood on March 6th in Birmingham, I thought it would be good for those who may not be able to attend or those in general who might be struggling in the workplace at the moment or have a relative or friend who may be struggling in employment, maybe you're an employer who needs more information about dyspraxia and dyslexia.

You never know in life who you might meet who has this different way of thinking, there's a high chance that in a job you will meet people who have this unique way of thinking. Although some of  my experiences have been quite negative and painful and quite honestly hard to write about, I think it's important that it's spoken about so others don't go through what I did and why there needs to be a change on how these differmt ways of thinking are seen and treated and to help banish the stigma which still surrounds them. People who may be Dyspraxic and dyslexic don't want sympathy, they don't want pity and the looks of poor you what we do want is undertanding and understanding and attention are two different things.

It is important that dyspraxia isn't just forgotten about and any awareness campaigns for dyslexia include dyspraxia too as so many people have both. The accommodations a dyspraxic might need in a workplace may be slightly different to dyslexia and people may need more support other than assistive technology.

Sadly so many people in life I've met are scared of difference, I once had two people run away from me as they were embarrassed to be seen as someone who was different to them as I walked along in my typical un-coordinated style. Over the last two years I went literally to hell and back as I was trapped in an environment full of ignorance and old fashioned views. The emotional effect it had not only what it had on me, my relationship and my family was intense and terrible. I went from a positive person to someone who was in a dark negative spiral feeling trapped and completely worthless about myself and life in general.

I was made to believe that I was stupid, worthless, couldn't do my job properly, weird and a bad role model and that was only to my face so much 'banter' or emotional bullying went on behind my back. It made me loose all my confidence, self worth, I stopped doing things I was capable of because I was being told so much I couldn't do things I started to believe I was incapable of doing anything. Thanks to professional help and an amazing boyfriend and family and friends I am in a more positive place in life now. But I would hate for anyone to be crippled with anxiety and later depression like I was, everything constantly felt numb and for someone who's brain can work in such a positive way it wasn't a good thing.

We need to stand up for bullying in the workplace because of difference is unacceptable, having an ignorant view of seeing things isn't a positive trait but there is so much we can do to try and help other people who were and are in the same position as I was. Dyspraxia and dyslexia are such unique, creative thought processes which need to be seen in a positive light. I honestly think a lot of ignorance is due to lack of training and awareness. This needs to happen way before people reach employment it needs to start in primary school, people need educating in assemblies and in classes about differmt learning styles and how other people in their class may see the world. Differemce needs to be seen as ok, and not a bad thing.

 Teachers need access to teacher training about dyslexia and dyspraxia so they are aware how different ways the children in their classes learn and how to bring out the positives. As they are hidden people often don't realise someone could be struggling and how much of an effect they can have on people and the battles parents can go through to get support. I hear of so many sad cases where parents are often ignored and have to fight so hard. It shouldn't be like that. If there was more awareness and training in place from such a young age then it would have a domino effect into secondary school, further education, university and then into employment.

So many incredible people aren't given the chance to shine as they are seen as just their labeles and what they can't do instead of what they can do, the Impact which this has on unemployment rates and the mental health services is huge.

The potential people with dyspraxia and dyslexia have is huge we are such determined hard working, things may take us quite a few attempts to get there and we do things in our own way , sometimes our coping strategies may be a little different to how everyone else , might do things. We may sometimes might be messy and cluttered and disorganised, or. One to work with toothpaste down ourselves or spil our lunch everywhere. We might bump into people and trip over thin air and need things repeting several times but it doesn't mean we don't care and aren't trying its in fact it's the complete opposite. We literally think out of the box and often like there is no box there in the first place. We offer emotional intelligence which I want to cover on another blog which means we understand and empathise with others as we know what it's like to struggle, we don't judge and have a very open mind. But there needs to be the understanding in place and that understanding has to be acrosss all of neurodiversity.

As for me although I have to travel 3 hours on the tube every day, have sensory overload and feel like a sardine in a can, once or twice may have got on the wrong bus but my determination to succeed gets me though, I now work as a learning support in a college helping other students who have been through what I have achieve their goals and dreams in life, for a lot of them it's the first bit of undertanding they have had. I hope my story and journey can show people that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is hope.

Firstly, thank you so much to everyone who has been reading Matt's last blog he is overwhelmed and very grateful for all your positive comments. My next blog is a follow up from Matt's blog really on understanding and how we can make a change or difference by simply just using our voice about issues we might be passionate about to help others. As someone who has struggled with confidence and self belief I thought also it would be good to give some tips or advice to those who want to make a difference but maybe need that little bit of a confidence boost. Like many people who can find social situations sometimes quite high in anxiety there always is the "what if" question and the constant worry of messing up or making a fool of yourself, when it can be for complete strangers that can be even more nervewracking. Using your voice doesn't have to mean verbally using your voice to speak out. A lot of the awareness work I have done has been started by blogs or social media on twitter where I know people have "got it." The feeling when finally someone gets it especially if you've maybe experienced some negativity can be such a lovely feeling. I also have a lot of parents who read my blogs who might be having difficulty getting their child help and support for a hidden condition such as dyspraxia and dyslexia. I know my mum constantly had to battle to get me the right help and support I needed, and it's not till you're older I think do you really truley appreciate the battles parents have to go through to get you to be where you want to be in life. But I hope my story and blogs can provide a little bit of hope and light at the end of what can be a very dark windy tunnel for many people.


Since moving to London I have been closer to a lot of the charities I support and last week I was lucky enough to visit Dyspraxia Headquarters where I met their lovely team again and spend the day there. You can tell how much they are genuinely passionate about what they do and appreciate every little thing someone does for them as most of them have personal experiences related to the charity. I arrived with a huge hole in my leggins ( how that happened I have no idea, later on I also found a huge bruise under the leggins again how that happened not got a clue) We discussed plans for the future I'm so excited and petrified at the same time to be doing a speech at their Birmingham workshop in March. I also met up with Fixers to hopefully get the ball rolling on a campaign with them to raise awareness and on friday I'm going to their Feel Good Fix in Manchester where young people will get the opportunity to talk about mental health. Eventually I would love to have the confidence to have my own campaign. Some of you may feel like you're in the same boat as me when I'm passionate about an issue I get very deeply involved in it (a positive dypraxic/dyslexic attribute?) My brain is buzzing with ideas on what I can do next and what can have an impact. I'm also very determined and will never stop fighting even if I stand alone and not everyone agrees with the issues I am trying to promote. The hard thing is always the confidence, self belief and anxiety related issues. Although recently I've been trying my best to try and overcome these issues here are are some of the tips I have been using recently I hope they might help some of you.

• Breathe sometimes one of the hardest of things but using breathing techniques can really help
• do some self care and make sure you look after yourself as much as the people you're trying to help, run yourself a bath get a glass of wine, read a book whatever makes you relax.
• Talk to others who are passionate about the same causes
• Have someone who you can bounce ideas off
• write down any strategies in simple form which might help
• repeat to yourself silenty "I can do it"
• Be inspired by someone or something which can motivate you to overcome a goal or achive something (no clues who I would say)
• Join an online community @anxietyunited are such a lovely group of people would really recommend a follow, there are also lots of online forums I manage the dyspraxia foundation adult facebook group
• If someone says you can't do something make yourself a lot more determined to do it you CAN do it. Prooving people wrong when they say you wont be able to do something is such a good feeling
• set realistic goals in small steps
• motivate other people and see the positives in others
• be kind you never know where being kind might lead you
• build up contacts and be grateful to them when you do make them
• keep fighting there is light at the end of the tunnel and people out there who will understand you, keep going you can do it I promise

Until next time.... thanks for reading, keep smiling :)

Hello, firstly I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has donated to Mollie's fundraiser this year so far, know The Saturdays themselves aren't doing much so everything has gone quite quiet on that front, and I know everyone has such busy lives at the moment with work, uni, school, and money being in short demand every penny is gratefully recieved and will make a huge difference.


As with last year where I wrote a blog about Mollie's fundraiser for Dyslexia Action, where we raised an incredible £550, I thought I woluld write a blog about this years fundraiser. Now some of you are probably reading this and thinking Mollie isn't my favourite or that you're not a huge fan of some of the fashion things she does, fair enough completley undertstandable. On Friday as part of my Dyspraxia Foundation speech I spoke about who inspires me. Two of the biggest inspirations in my life have always been my grandparents, they've instilled some of the values I have today and I hope to make them proud. Despite both having heart problems and my grandad having a heart attack (I'm not going to go into too much depth about what they struggled with as they weren't the kind of people who would want their lives plastered over social media I hope people will undertand this- if you want to know more please do ask.)  They were so determined, they had a lot of mobility and sight isses too, they never complained, just got on with lives, had a smile on their faces, didn't sit there feeling sorry for themselves or wanting attention. My grandad was Irish and had the most amazing sense of humour he had me in stitches every time I went over to see them. When I waas younger I used to help them as much as I could and try and make life so much easier for them. They were two of the most genuine, kind people you could meet. This fundraiser is to celebrate their lives and at the same time raise awareness for the amazing charity work The BHF do.


Now we come onto Mollie, Mollie's determination has always been something which has inspired me, she's sometimes maybe never been the best at everything but has always been determined to not let things hold her back in life or give things a go or try out opportunities.  She's also one of the most caring appreciative people I've met in life a really lovely lady, I'm sure anything you can donate will mean a lot to her.


Now it comes to me, I pride myself on being a determined person and  the lessons my grandparents have taught me in life have shaped me into who I am. This fundraiser this year is all about celebrating people who never give up, maybe you know someone who never gives up. Determination is such an inspiring quality, which should be embraced, my grandparents may no longer be here, but I hope this makes them proud.


To donate https://www.justgiving.com/Mollie-King-Birthday-2015 or Text MKBF87 to 70070 thank you so much!

Just to start by echoing Rosie's previous comments, thanks to all the positive support for my previous blogs, if it can make the smallest difference to someone, or attitudes of others towards hidden conditions then I've been successful. So thanks for everyone for their support.

I'm going to use this blog to talk about the impact of understanding, something I personally feel is very lacking in modern life, and how this has a bigger impact on those suffering from hidden conditions. This is something that affects us all, including myself, and we will touch on all aspects and if the blog is successful and people want more depth then maybe Rosie will allow me to touch on items in more depth in the future.

The last few months have been pretty major for Rosie. As I touched on before she's moved down from a small town in rural Lancashire to Croydon, which if you aren't aware is a very large town on the outskirts of London, the two places really couldn't be more different. The differences are night and day, from the simple things such as the last bus not being at 8pm in the evening, the only shop being open at 9pm is the Tesco etc. To the more dramatic, like the pure number of people around 24/7 - to the 24/7 life that comes with being in a global city, it never stops and sadly I don't think people stop and take time out and give thought and consideration to others.

The biggest change for Rosie has been travel, although well traveled on long distance trains, a daily commute though London (over 90mins in each direction!) was another thing. I'm sure some people here are going, what that's stupid, but seriously it's tiring, its difficult, trains get cancelled, or are late - we had a bus strike (again) yesterday. The tubes go on strike, and for those who don't know London Bridge Railway Station is a complete building site and it's causing major problems on trains in South London as they are being cancelled or removed from service - and we have this until 2018! It's very easy for those who don't have to deal with this daily to just toss it aside and laugh about it, but that is far from the reality, and comes down to my blog title and the importance of understanding.

Those who suffer from hidden conditions often suffer from self-esteem and anxiety issues and sometimes can develop even more serious issues. It's key to understand that the small things such as a train being cancelled, or being packed on a rush hour tube like sardines, or what is very easy in a major city, getting lost only heightens these conditions and the key to all this is understanding - the issue with modern society that it's probably 'uncool' to be understanding as everything is about 'banter' and 'trolling' online (and offline!)

As part of the move down to London, Rosie got a new job. In her previous job there was little to no understanding of dyspraxia and Rosie had a major incident with a fellow work colleague who ultimately accused Rosie of not being able to do her job! The difference between then and now is like night and day. Rosie's new job in a college, the people couldn't be more understanding. In fact they are embracing Rosie's dyspraxia/dyslexia and her contacts and knowledge of hidden conditions to make their own understanding within the college better. It's obviously taken effort on their own behalf to understand better, but that's the difference, every little second that someone takes out of their own time to understand others helps everyone have the confidence to achieve anything .
To end my third blog I'm going to briefly return to my comment about understanding and how online social networking has a deeper impact then people feel and how this deeply impacts those who think in a literal way. Rosie's mind is seriously one of the most amazing I've come across. It's also her downfall, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Rosie really does think outside the box, be it in creativity, helping others, sharing ideas - basically everything. The issue with this, and it's something that I personally feel that I'm suffering from myself - is that the lack of understanding to whom a person is - basically by not fitting into the stereotypical box - heightens the lack of understanding. I know one of the reasons Rosie looks up to Mollie is because of how understanding and how she often sees past someone's struggles but at the same time motivating people that they can be anything they want in life

With the right understanding I have seen such a change in Rosie the amount of charity and awareness work is inspiring to me and I'm sure so many people, now she has people saying she 'can' do things so many opportunities have happened which are making a huge difference to society. Today she is off to Manchester to hopefully launch her own awarenss campaign with Fixers, yesterday she was at dyapraxia foundation headquarters helping plan a conference she is speaking at, been in the local newsletter and later today launching Mollie King's Birthday fundraiser. Quite remarkable to be honest all in a week. Her determination to proove others wrong and not let others go through what she has is something we can all learn from, I would never have the confidence to do half of the stuff she is doing so it takes a lot of strength and courage. What can you do to make a difference today? How can you help someone? Sadly it all boils down to the word 'understanding', it's okay to be different, embrace it, it's not odd/freaky/strange/creepy to be different, just be yourself and don't let society force you to be something that you aren't and embrace others differences. Wouldn't the world be a boring place if we were all the same.