Firstly a huge thank you to everyone who read my last blog it means a lot to me, I hope it has helped some of you out there. The lovely Natalie has written a blog 10 things not to say to a dyspraxic which can be found here https://theblogwithonepost.wordpress.com/2015/01/24/10-things-not-to-say-to-someone-with-dyspraxia/ a lot of the points were ones that either myself or my family had experienced. I thought I would write a follow on blog about things or actions to say to someone who has a hidden condition. If you know someone who has a hidden condtion sometimes it can be hard what to say without wanting to judge someone or sound really patronising or sometimes it's easy to be a little ignorant towards these conditions without even realising. As I've said many times in my blogs it's time we got talking about them and making them less of a taboo. Some of these points might seem like little things, but honestly from the perspective of someone who has hidden conditions can be great, it means there's a less chance of mistakes and things happening, less anxiety allround both for the person who has the hidden conditions and everyone else, and hopfully a knock on effect on self esteerm, self worth, confidence, attainment and acheivement and everyone ends up happier- and that's all good isn't it. Some of these points may be more actions than actual things to say.
1. See past the label
It's so important to see the whole person not just the difficulties someone is struggling with, a lot of people spend their lives having to have a lot of assessments etc done where the label is talked about a lot. See past that, get to know the person for who they are it might suprise you, you'll find they might have more in common than you think. There's so many positives of having a hidden condition such as creativity, seeing the bigger picture, being able to see things other people also often very loyal and understanding. Try to focus on those rather than what someone might struggle with, having a hidden condition doesn't mean someone is odd or weird they just sometimes see things in a different way and surely having more different views is a really good thing especially in the workplace.
2. Plan Ahead
If you have a friend who has organisation/memory difficulties try and plan ahead if you're going to events. Things are more likely to go right then wrong and the impact of spaghetti head is much less reduced. A lot of people who have an organisation problem hate spontaniouty they like routine so they know what's happening them. Take a little bit more time with them explain trains and routes, talk about where you will be going and maybe describe in a visual form. Do not suddenlly tell someone they're going out 10 minuites beforehand or all chaos will break out. A little bit of undertanding really can make all the difference when it comes to organisation. If you know someone who is always late ( why are you all thinking of me?!) maybe text them the night before to remind them of what time they need to be at a certain place for.
3. Treat someone like an adult/young person
Be careful what language you use so you don't say when you want to help someone in a patronising way. A lot of people with hidden conditions don't like a lot of attention and fuss drawn to their issues and don't wan't to be "looked after" again it comes back to seeing past the condition or label think how you would like to be treated yourself.
4. Would you like to use a computer/ additional technology?
If there's any way someone can use a computer let them, if you can see someone really struggles with handwriting don't make a mockery out of them and act like they don't care, as well with spelling mistakes if you know someone is dyslexic don't make a huge deal out of spelling mistakes focus on what the message is said not the spelling, instead focus on something which they can do and a lot of people with hidden computers are very good with computers and can be a great asset. Also ask if a different working environment would be better e.g less noise, open the windows etc.
5.Would you like me to do your hair/makeup/nails for you?
More for the females out there, but if you have a friend who struggles with fine motor skills why not have a girly pamper day and offer to do their make- up or nails for them and make them feel good about themselves. Eyeliner can be especially difficult for fine motor problems- your eye ends up being poked a lot. In return they could maybe do something for you which you like doing.
6. How are you?
Such a simple question but a lot of people with hidden conditions and anxiety can find new situations quite stressful, if you know someone like that, why not take the time to properly get to know them ask a few simple questions, compliment them, as they feel more relaxed in the situation. Sometimes when things aren't ok it can be the little things which really do matter.
7. Try not to leave people out
Being friends with someone with a hidden condition can be quite stressful sometimes I'd be lieing if I didn't say that, but try and encoperate some of the tips in this blog to your nights out/social situations/classrooms and see if they help at all, with a little bit of understanding someone with a hidden condition can come out of their shell and really show who they are. If someone gets quiet in big groups of people don't assume they're being rude or anti social sometimes we find it difficult to process lots of noises around us, there's a good chance that a. we're ok, b. we're enjoying ourselves and c. we enjoy your company, maybe wait till a quieter place to have a more in depth conversation.
8. Be an extra pair of eyes
Sometimes all someone with a hidden condition needs is an extra pair of eyes, if we look like we're about to fall down the stairs, bump into somone or get run over do tell us, spacial awareness is a big problem for people with dyspraxia soemtimes we don't realise where our bodies are. Sometimes all we need is a tap, or a a little shout which can stop us from either injuring ourselves or those around us. Nobody likes spilt alcohol do they- what a waste of good wine. Also people with autism/dyspraxia I'm not too sure about dyslexia but I can imagine it can be true for them too can be literal thinkers which means we can be too nice, which isn't necesserily a bad thing but it means people can take advantage of us without us realising and can lead to bullying, if you notice any of that happening please make us aware it is, help us stand up for ourselves a little bit. Also watch out for the emotional effects these conditions can have and notice if someone may have low self esteem/confidence, anxiety or depresssion symptoms or be self harming, or be being bullied, we often find it difficult to explain how we feel so if you do notice be undertanding and try to help if you can.
9. See the funny side
My boyfriend says there is never a dull moment in our relationship, you never know what day the dyspraxic mind might have next, and one of the best traits in having a hidden condition is being able to see the funny side to situations and laughing at them, instead of having a moan to someone else about what someone with a hidden condition has done talk to them about it, have a laugh togther so you're laughing with them not at them.
10. I understand
Three words which can do so so much, so much for confidence, self belief and perception. Just knowing someone has taken that little bit of time to understand you and how your brain works and tries to understand the good days and the bad days. Praise when you can see someone overcoming something or trying hard, say you're proud of them. Never underestimate the what the power of a bit of kindness and understanding can do.
Monday 26 January 2015
Wednesday 21 January 2015
Little steps can lead to big steps
Firstly thank you so much to everyone who has been reading Matt's blog before this one he's overwhelmed with the positive response so far.
The focus on my next blog is how taking little steps forward and being proud of those little steps can lead to bigger steps- it all adds up. Sometimes it's easy to compare ourselves to others who may find the little things really easy and let it damage our self worth, but often it's those little steps which are the most taken for granted, and can lead to much better things. Often we only praise our self when we reach the main goal or aim, sometimes the end result can seem daunting and overwhelming. I was talking to my friend yesterday on how especially if you struggle thinking positively it's so easy to think of the things which have gone wrong or what you might think you've messed up. Negatively beating myself up and over thinking is something which I can be quite prone to myself which can lead to a downwards spiral, but recently I've started focusing on the little things and overcoming little things can boost self esteem and confidence to try and tackle more difficult and overwhelming tasks. When you struggle with a hidden condition or mental health issue everything can seem like your head is full of spaghetti at times. To those who aren't familiar with the feeling it's like if you put a ball of spaghetti in your head, through a blender a few times and then tried to untangle each wire.
Smaller steps are more likely to be maintained, and lead to longer term wellbeing which can be applied throughout life. I was talking to another friend who has a job interview at the weekend on how we all have to start from somewhere and building up experience in smaller jobs can lead to bigger jobs later in life, it's all about putting the little pieces of the jigsaw together. You just need to tell yourself your worth and deserve all of these little things. Wanting to feel better about yourself or wanting to make a change can be one of the first but vital little steps you can make.
The second is realising you might need more help or support, whether it be with learning, a mental health issue or any other issue, making an appointment is the scariest and bravest things, sometimes it's easy to think that problems can go away by themselves, sometimes they can but sometimes getting help is one of the best things you can do. I was terrified to seek help, I put it off for years, but I am so glad I managed to do it. Talk to a friend or a relative you trust maybe they can go with you, if not ask them to send you little motivational texts. If you can see someone you know who might be struggling, maybe they've been feeling low or highly anxious, or you think they might be struggling with an additional need such as dyslexia or dyspraxia (sadly everyone doesn't get identified when at school college or uni especially dyspraxia) you can be the first person who is the beginning of their journey. Learning differences and mental health issues are NOTHING to be ashamed of up to 1:5 of us will struggle with our mental health in life, and in a class of 30 children 5 will have some kind of hidden condition. The little things are what really make a difference, whether it's a simple text just saying "how are you?" a tweet with a heart, meeting up for a drink or a meal. As these conditions are all hidden you never know what someone could be struggling with.
I thought I would give a few suggestions of a few little steps which you could maybe try to make yourself feel better. Again break these down into more manageable chunks if needs be.
Little steps for dyspraxia and dyslexia ( or others who might need it)
Write a self care plan for yourself and break it down into little steps
do something for you each day which makes you happy or smile
have a nap
take a dog for a walk or spend time with a pet
do something creative
do a little thing which scares you and build these up
be really proud of yourself for overcoming the little things and treat yourself you deserve it
if you struggle with self harm again focus on little things to make you feel better about yourself, don't feel pressurised into having to doing a lot too soon, do it in your own time, you are worth so much more than hurting yourself.
If you're having a really bad day praise yourself for even the basics of the day.
Talk to someone instead of sending an email
Speak to someone new
Go for a walk at lunchtime
Have a ‘clear the clutter’ day
have a positivity wall or box
write something positive about yourself every day (easier said than done I know) or ask a friend to say something which is positive about you.
do something which scares you
Until next time...
The focus on my next blog is how taking little steps forward and being proud of those little steps can lead to bigger steps- it all adds up. Sometimes it's easy to compare ourselves to others who may find the little things really easy and let it damage our self worth, but often it's those little steps which are the most taken for granted, and can lead to much better things. Often we only praise our self when we reach the main goal or aim, sometimes the end result can seem daunting and overwhelming. I was talking to my friend yesterday on how especially if you struggle thinking positively it's so easy to think of the things which have gone wrong or what you might think you've messed up. Negatively beating myself up and over thinking is something which I can be quite prone to myself which can lead to a downwards spiral, but recently I've started focusing on the little things and overcoming little things can boost self esteem and confidence to try and tackle more difficult and overwhelming tasks. When you struggle with a hidden condition or mental health issue everything can seem like your head is full of spaghetti at times. To those who aren't familiar with the feeling it's like if you put a ball of spaghetti in your head, through a blender a few times and then tried to untangle each wire.
Smaller steps are more likely to be maintained, and lead to longer term wellbeing which can be applied throughout life. I was talking to another friend who has a job interview at the weekend on how we all have to start from somewhere and building up experience in smaller jobs can lead to bigger jobs later in life, it's all about putting the little pieces of the jigsaw together. You just need to tell yourself your worth and deserve all of these little things. Wanting to feel better about yourself or wanting to make a change can be one of the first but vital little steps you can make.
The second is realising you might need more help or support, whether it be with learning, a mental health issue or any other issue, making an appointment is the scariest and bravest things, sometimes it's easy to think that problems can go away by themselves, sometimes they can but sometimes getting help is one of the best things you can do. I was terrified to seek help, I put it off for years, but I am so glad I managed to do it. Talk to a friend or a relative you trust maybe they can go with you, if not ask them to send you little motivational texts. If you can see someone you know who might be struggling, maybe they've been feeling low or highly anxious, or you think they might be struggling with an additional need such as dyslexia or dyspraxia (sadly everyone doesn't get identified when at school college or uni especially dyspraxia) you can be the first person who is the beginning of their journey. Learning differences and mental health issues are NOTHING to be ashamed of up to 1:5 of us will struggle with our mental health in life, and in a class of 30 children 5 will have some kind of hidden condition. The little things are what really make a difference, whether it's a simple text just saying "how are you?" a tweet with a heart, meeting up for a drink or a meal. As these conditions are all hidden you never know what someone could be struggling with.
I thought I would give a few suggestions of a few little steps which you could maybe try to make yourself feel better. Again break these down into more manageable chunks if needs be.
Little steps for dyspraxia and dyslexia ( or others who might need it)
- Write little lists (or lists on your phone) to help you be organised, good organisation can make you feel a little calmer, these lists can be as simple as you like, for children try pictorial lists.
- Use assisrtive technology to help with written work and you can have it downloaded on your phone too.
- Plan in advance where you want to go at the beginning of the week
- get your bag ready work/school/college the night before and choose the clothes you want to wear for the next day.
- Praise yourself for personal small goals and reward yourself for those goals
- don't be scared to ask for help
- smile, laugh and see the funny side
Until next time...
Wednesday 14 January 2015
Guest Blogger - Blog 2 - Hidden Conditions : Stigma and confidence
Firstly I would like to thank the overwhelming positive comments that I received from my previous blog, the idea was to give a perspective from someone living with someone diagnosed with Dyspraxia. It wasn't a 'Matt & Rosie' story, I fully understand that those with dyspraxia all have their own very unique traits - I did mention that despite working in a very large (600 plus including children and staff) primary school, I don't come across dyspraxia outside my relationship with Rosie on a daily basis.
I always planned to write another blog, but after the huge success of the first, the second is coming a little earlier. This second blog is about hidden conditions, this can both for those who are diagnosed with dyspraxia/ dyslexia and other hidden conditions - which means certain conditions can be heightened, and those who aren't, its very easy to have your confidence knocked, even by the most silliest things!
I'll start with memory, and alongside this - organisation - which is an issue that I come across on a daily basis! If Rosie isn't organised, all chaos can break out, anxiety levels sky rocket, and the memory goes to pot and all crazy can persist for hours afterwards. There has been many a time where Rosie has forgotten where she has placed something - be it something simple, or more important - and queue the chaos in trying to find it, the longer it goes on that its not found, the more anxious Rosie becomes. This itself causes problems, Rosie's head becomes 'spaghetti' like, and any calm approach to remember where it was last seen is thrown out the window, then before you know it the room has been turned upside down, only for the item which we are looking for to be found in a coat pocket! By this time everyone's anxiety levels are through the roof and we all need time to calm down and get back to what we where doing beforehand - that's if we even remember! (I've also realised why Mollie King is always late all the time!)
With this thought, it is probably key to remember that those who are dyspraxic/dyslexic, can feel overwhelmed before event going to social events. This isn't a sweeping statement as everyone is different, but from experience, Rosie has already thought out the way the event will go in her head before we've even left the front door. The event goes in a logical A>B>C>D>E. As soon as we get to the event and the event goes A>B>E it can all go wrong, anxiety increases, organisation goes out the window. Obviously this can affect everyone, a lot of people like organisation and a plan on how things will go, but everyone reacts to change in a different way, some take it in their stride, others just awkwardly go along with it and for others it creates complete and utter chaos.
Moving the blog along, I want to touch on stigma, modern society and communication and how this affects everyone. Last week I attended an event supporting at Kickstarter for a short film, Bueno Key, supported by the Dylspa and at this event we met Sean Douglas (The Codpast) and he's written a blog which I feel is worth a read, The Text Take Over - about how society simply doesn't talk anymore and how reading and text, which is a key issue for those who are dyslexic, are becoming the normal.
I personally feel there are huge benefits to social media in the modern society, but the seemingly requirement of always being 'on' and 'available' and the way this form of communication shows no expression - no Emoji's don't count - is a problem for everyone, can is definitely heightened with Rosie and I presume other dyspraxic people out there. You never know who people are behind a computer screen too, which can be confusing to those without hidden conditions never mind those who do.
In modern society, a lot of people are seemingly seen for what they cannot do, rather than what they can do. A lot of this is becuase hidden conditions are just that hidden you have no idea from looking at someone what they could be struggling with. Whether be it learning, mental health, medical they can effect anyone and you'll never know. Rosie has often come home from work in the past in floods of tears saying people have called her stupid or wortthless or in one bad incident a bad role model, which has had a knock on effect on confidence and self esteem, which then can cause a more downward spiral into more mental health related issues such as depression and anxiety. I was shocked to hear over 93% of dyspraxics struggle with additional anxiety, I'm sure the precentage of depression and self harm cases are high too and a lot of people expreience bullying .
When you're constantly told you can't do something or won't amount to much it can really effect your self concept of yourself- this has been one of Rosie's biggest battles all her life. Not just the difficulties dyspraxia/dyslexia present but the constant having to proove herself. Even when she got given her masters degree she still doubted herself. She was at one point applying for jobs far lower than she was capabilities were because she didn't think she could do it. A lot of people don't think people with hidden learning issues can struggle with mental health as the media often portrays very confident celebrities who only seem to have slight problems, in the real world sadly there is a lot more little understanding. It pains me hearing recent news items on how self-harm is on the increase and how schools are unable to cope. Couple this with the pressures of modern life, online bullying (banter), increase of stress due to anxiety and obviously the increase of depression - just good old fashioned praise has seemingly gone out the window, for something that can be (not) expressed in 160 characters (online).
You can blame whatever you like for this online, but the trend right now - which is always passed off as 'banter' - is that negativity is key. People can say what they want and don't consider the emotional effect afterwards.
I'm personally a tough cookie, but As my previous blog said, dyspraxic's have a wonderful mind, seriously amazing minds, but are also literal thinkers, if they see something online that is (or isn't) directed at them, or they aren't directly involved in, any negativity can trigger anxiety - something I have to deal with Rosie a lot, which goes back to my original comment about the lack of talking in today's society. That lack of speaking, tone of voice, facial expressions, really doesn't help. MSN Messenger is long gone, but we still have Skype, we all have smart phones with cameras.
The stigma of modern life is an issue that affects us all. The BBC wrote an article in 2013 about 'Is modern life making us lonely?' which leads me into the stigma that surrounds hidden conditions, such as dyspraxia, I think its key to realise that those with hidden conditions enjoy doing the same things as everyone else - it just takes a little more planning. Myself and Rosie enjoy travelling around the UK, going to events, we enjoy a good night out as well, all it takes is a little bit more planning. It's important to see past the label. Rosie is an average 27 year old loves her dog, pop concerts, shopping, buying lots of nailvarnishes and jewelery, exploring cities and having a cocktail or 5, she just so happens to have dyspraxia/dyslexia and over recent times a few mental health issues alongside it. It's important that we remember that when we see people with hidden conditions they're people behind it all.
I want to end this blog on a positive note. Over the last year or so Rosie experienced a difficult time at work, mainly due to lack of understanding - which is worrying as she worked in a school - but she pushed though all this, took the big step of moving from a quiet Lancashire town to London to a new job in a large college. The support her new job has given her is second to none and when her article was published in SEN Magazine they even sent an e-mail around to staff saying that they should read it - and the students they support - as it could inspire them onto greater things! There needs to be more teacher training and support out there and an undertanding of the emotional effects too. Which is key to say that with the correct support, from peers, family, friends and work anyone can achieve what they set out to do! Anything is possible!
I always planned to write another blog, but after the huge success of the first, the second is coming a little earlier. This second blog is about hidden conditions, this can both for those who are diagnosed with dyspraxia/ dyslexia and other hidden conditions - which means certain conditions can be heightened, and those who aren't, its very easy to have your confidence knocked, even by the most silliest things!
I'll start with memory, and alongside this - organisation - which is an issue that I come across on a daily basis! If Rosie isn't organised, all chaos can break out, anxiety levels sky rocket, and the memory goes to pot and all crazy can persist for hours afterwards. There has been many a time where Rosie has forgotten where she has placed something - be it something simple, or more important - and queue the chaos in trying to find it, the longer it goes on that its not found, the more anxious Rosie becomes. This itself causes problems, Rosie's head becomes 'spaghetti' like, and any calm approach to remember where it was last seen is thrown out the window, then before you know it the room has been turned upside down, only for the item which we are looking for to be found in a coat pocket! By this time everyone's anxiety levels are through the roof and we all need time to calm down and get back to what we where doing beforehand - that's if we even remember! (I've also realised why Mollie King is always late all the time!)
With this thought, it is probably key to remember that those who are dyspraxic/dyslexic, can feel overwhelmed before event going to social events. This isn't a sweeping statement as everyone is different, but from experience, Rosie has already thought out the way the event will go in her head before we've even left the front door. The event goes in a logical A>B>C>D>E. As soon as we get to the event and the event goes A>B>E it can all go wrong, anxiety increases, organisation goes out the window. Obviously this can affect everyone, a lot of people like organisation and a plan on how things will go, but everyone reacts to change in a different way, some take it in their stride, others just awkwardly go along with it and for others it creates complete and utter chaos.
Moving the blog along, I want to touch on stigma, modern society and communication and how this affects everyone. Last week I attended an event supporting at Kickstarter for a short film, Bueno Key, supported by the Dylspa and at this event we met Sean Douglas (The Codpast) and he's written a blog which I feel is worth a read, The Text Take Over - about how society simply doesn't talk anymore and how reading and text, which is a key issue for those who are dyslexic, are becoming the normal.
I personally feel there are huge benefits to social media in the modern society, but the seemingly requirement of always being 'on' and 'available' and the way this form of communication shows no expression - no Emoji's don't count - is a problem for everyone, can is definitely heightened with Rosie and I presume other dyspraxic people out there. You never know who people are behind a computer screen too, which can be confusing to those without hidden conditions never mind those who do.
In modern society, a lot of people are seemingly seen for what they cannot do, rather than what they can do. A lot of this is becuase hidden conditions are just that hidden you have no idea from looking at someone what they could be struggling with. Whether be it learning, mental health, medical they can effect anyone and you'll never know. Rosie has often come home from work in the past in floods of tears saying people have called her stupid or wortthless or in one bad incident a bad role model, which has had a knock on effect on confidence and self esteem, which then can cause a more downward spiral into more mental health related issues such as depression and anxiety. I was shocked to hear over 93% of dyspraxics struggle with additional anxiety, I'm sure the precentage of depression and self harm cases are high too and a lot of people expreience bullying .
When you're constantly told you can't do something or won't amount to much it can really effect your self concept of yourself- this has been one of Rosie's biggest battles all her life. Not just the difficulties dyspraxia/dyslexia present but the constant having to proove herself. Even when she got given her masters degree she still doubted herself. She was at one point applying for jobs far lower than she was capabilities were because she didn't think she could do it. A lot of people don't think people with hidden learning issues can struggle with mental health as the media often portrays very confident celebrities who only seem to have slight problems, in the real world sadly there is a lot more little understanding. It pains me hearing recent news items on how self-harm is on the increase and how schools are unable to cope. Couple this with the pressures of modern life, online bullying (banter), increase of stress due to anxiety and obviously the increase of depression - just good old fashioned praise has seemingly gone out the window, for something that can be (not) expressed in 160 characters (online).
You can blame whatever you like for this online, but the trend right now - which is always passed off as 'banter' - is that negativity is key. People can say what they want and don't consider the emotional effect afterwards.
I'm personally a tough cookie, but As my previous blog said, dyspraxic's have a wonderful mind, seriously amazing minds, but are also literal thinkers, if they see something online that is (or isn't) directed at them, or they aren't directly involved in, any negativity can trigger anxiety - something I have to deal with Rosie a lot, which goes back to my original comment about the lack of talking in today's society. That lack of speaking, tone of voice, facial expressions, really doesn't help. MSN Messenger is long gone, but we still have Skype, we all have smart phones with cameras.
The stigma of modern life is an issue that affects us all. The BBC wrote an article in 2013 about 'Is modern life making us lonely?' which leads me into the stigma that surrounds hidden conditions, such as dyspraxia, I think its key to realise that those with hidden conditions enjoy doing the same things as everyone else - it just takes a little more planning. Myself and Rosie enjoy travelling around the UK, going to events, we enjoy a good night out as well, all it takes is a little bit more planning. It's important to see past the label. Rosie is an average 27 year old loves her dog, pop concerts, shopping, buying lots of nailvarnishes and jewelery, exploring cities and having a cocktail or 5, she just so happens to have dyspraxia/dyslexia and over recent times a few mental health issues alongside it. It's important that we remember that when we see people with hidden conditions they're people behind it all.
I want to end this blog on a positive note. Over the last year or so Rosie experienced a difficult time at work, mainly due to lack of understanding - which is worrying as she worked in a school - but she pushed though all this, took the big step of moving from a quiet Lancashire town to London to a new job in a large college. The support her new job has given her is second to none and when her article was published in SEN Magazine they even sent an e-mail around to staff saying that they should read it - and the students they support - as it could inspire them onto greater things! There needs to be more teacher training and support out there and an undertanding of the emotional effects too. Which is key to say that with the correct support, from peers, family, friends and work anyone can achieve what they set out to do! Anything is possible!
Friday 9 January 2015
Anxiety and facing the fear of the unknown
Thank you so much to everyone who read Matt's last blog post it means so much to both him and me for having a read too. I hope it might have helped some of you out there or a relative or someone you know. My next blog may be quite short, but I'm in a positive mood so I thought I would post this. When you have anxiety/and or depression or maybe just strugle with self esteem and confidence fear of unknown situations can be such a big deal, you can get yourself worked up so much you don't want to go and can avoid situations. It can be crippling, you always think what if I make an idiot out of myself? What if it all goes horribly wrong? Sometimes it can be a whole lot of random jargon spaghetti which can be bubbling around your head which can trigger panic and anxiety attacks. I remember when I used to go to events and social situations I used to be a gittery wreck my hands would be shaking and sweaty I couldn't give eye contact and couldnt say positive things about myself or I used to go silent altogether or completely avoid the situation. A lot of people call this fear of the unknown. Tonight I went to an event, it was on my mind all day and was overthinking constantly. I was very close to not going. Talking and thinking positively about myself in front of people has never been one of my main strengths. I would always avoid answering questions about myself by asking others lots. If you know me well you might have seen me do it.
I did end up going and here's some strategies which I used which might help you too!- let me know Id they've been of use to you.
1. I was very lucky that my boyfriend agreed to come with me and that made me feel a lot more relaxed and gave me the confidence to go and do it again even if it was on my own. So having someone with you when it's a new event and can gradually build your confidence up, you know that you'll have someone to talk to.
2. Take little steps if it all gets too overwhelming take little steps in your head and praise youself for every little step like getting on the bus, getting on the train, finding the place, going inside.
3. Think of something motivating, before I went I intagrammed a quote saying believe in yourslef, and tried to make myslef think positively.
4. Today has been a lot of breathing techniques to help myslef calm down both at the event and beforehand.
5. Don't feel obliged to stay for the whole event or social meeting unless you have to, we left before it finished and ready to go. Know in the back of your head you can leave if you need to and it doesn't make you a bad person.
6. Rationalise your thoughs- what is really the worst that can happen.
7. Talk to people how you feel, I had some lovely friends Megan and Claire who
Decided to tweet me before the event and tell me I could do it and honestly it was the biggest boost. If you know someone who struggles give them an emotional boost.
8. Medication can help not for evryone and not for everyone long term but it can help sometimes for some people to help them in situations they struggle with.
9. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
It may be hard, sweat inducing, scary, everything of that all in one but the feeling afterwards can be so good. I was able to talk to two people about my blogs and maybe future projects and even myself in a positive way slightly, I blushed like crazy and probably didn't make much eye contact but I did it a little. Fear of the unkown can be so crippling and can come into our daily lives so much, do something which scares you today. You're worth it and can do it! Please tweet or dm me if you want any more advice.
Until next time..... Thank you and keep going, you've got this!
I did end up going and here's some strategies which I used which might help you too!- let me know Id they've been of use to you.
1. I was very lucky that my boyfriend agreed to come with me and that made me feel a lot more relaxed and gave me the confidence to go and do it again even if it was on my own. So having someone with you when it's a new event and can gradually build your confidence up, you know that you'll have someone to talk to.
2. Take little steps if it all gets too overwhelming take little steps in your head and praise youself for every little step like getting on the bus, getting on the train, finding the place, going inside.
3. Think of something motivating, before I went I intagrammed a quote saying believe in yourslef, and tried to make myslef think positively.
4. Today has been a lot of breathing techniques to help myslef calm down both at the event and beforehand.
5. Don't feel obliged to stay for the whole event or social meeting unless you have to, we left before it finished and ready to go. Know in the back of your head you can leave if you need to and it doesn't make you a bad person.
6. Rationalise your thoughs- what is really the worst that can happen.
7. Talk to people how you feel, I had some lovely friends Megan and Claire who
Decided to tweet me before the event and tell me I could do it and honestly it was the biggest boost. If you know someone who struggles give them an emotional boost.
8. Medication can help not for evryone and not for everyone long term but it can help sometimes for some people to help them in situations they struggle with.
9. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
It may be hard, sweat inducing, scary, everything of that all in one but the feeling afterwards can be so good. I was able to talk to two people about my blogs and maybe future projects and even myself in a positive way slightly, I blushed like crazy and probably didn't make much eye contact but I did it a little. Fear of the unkown can be so crippling and can come into our daily lives so much, do something which scares you today. You're worth it and can do it! Please tweet or dm me if you want any more advice.
Until next time..... Thank you and keep going, you've got this!
Tuesday 6 January 2015
Guest Blog - Blog 1 - Dyspraxia in daily life
I'm Matt - for those who don't know, I'm Rosie's boyfriend, probably better known in The Saturdays fanbase as @TheSatsCoUk / www.the-saturdays.co.uk - and I asked if I could write a guest blog, to which she agreed to! I'm hoping this will be the first of a few from me!
I've been thinking long and hard on what to blog, and hopefully this one will be a success so I can blog more about what I have been thinking about, but initially I feel that maybe a welcoming blog and what it is really like to live with someone with dyspraxia.
As you may (or may not) be aware, me and Rosie have been dating for nearly 3 years now, and we finally moved in together in September of last year. It's pretty fair to say its been a big step for us both. I initially had a few reservations - and I'm sure Rosie did too. My concern for Rosie was that in the previous few years of travelling down to London, I've always met her at Euston and taken her to and from my house (In Croydon, South London) - even if it was at 10pm at night! Plus her fear of escalators, and the issue of crowded spaces with lots of ambient noises! But more on that in a later blog - if this blog is a success I will hopefully blog a couple of more times!
Living with Rosie, going to concerts, seeing places, and most importantly meeting friends, means I get to see all sides of someone who has Dyspraxia, where as others might only see a few different sides but not always the whole picture. I truly believe that those who suffer from dyspraxia really do see the world in a different way to everyone else. This has major advantages over the traditional way of seeing life, but on the flip side it has it's challenges.
Rosie has undoubtedly the most creative mind I've come across - but she is also extremely intelligent and determined things might take her that bit more longer but when she does she has the determination to overcome what has been stuggling her, I mean you don't get a Masters Degree by twiddling your fingers and not having the motivation to do so! This comes across in her daily life with ease, she's always thinking about something, be it Mollie's Birthday Book, to what event she can attend next, what to next blog about, how we can both help a charity etc. You think of it, Rosie already has done, plotted a way to get there, and how to reach the outcome - which is where the disadvantages also kick in, as Rosie's set ways are very methodical and sometimes if I suggest a change, or an alternation (even if it screaming out as a logical change) the dyspraxic mind challenges this change.
Despite working in a school, I don't come across Dyspraxia on a daily basis outside of Rosie, so I can only imagine this is the same for most people, which throws up social issues. Rosie, and I presume most other people with dyspraxic, tend to suffer from spacial awareness issues - there is more to this than just simply bumping into objects such as crossing the road - and in areas where there is high levels of sensory - such as music concerts - the combination of noise, the sheer number of people, and the large scale of the venue, can lead to mass confusion, there has been many a time where Rosie has - unexpectedly - become an anxious wreak at a concert , which has led to anxiety attacks . Living with Rosie I do my best to calm her down and bring her mind back on track, but for others this can be quite a moment for those who don't experience this on a normal basis. We are very lucky and have understanding friends, but I can see this being an issue for other people with dyspraxia.
People with dyspraxia can also struggle with most things which others take for granted such as fine motor skills and every day tasks can take 10x longer than the average person- so if Rosie has a nap you know why. The nature and stigma which surrounds dyspraxia and other hidden conditions, is that every day is the same struggles and people can never get over their issues, but no day is the same every day is different but with the right help and understanding dyspraxia shouldn't be a barrier to sucess and independence.
The key for me is that living with a dyspraxic person you can often have to deal with the outright amazing and lows all within a 24 hour period. The 24/7 nature of life in 2015 isn't dyspraxic friendly, social medial, television, concerts, music, all stimulates the mind for good (and bad) reasons, and those who don't live with others with dyspraxia might not totally understand that something that might be said which most people will brush off under the carpet, or ignore, will trigger that wonderful mind of the dyspraxic, and will get them thinking - and this can lead to chaotic results.
I've been thinking long and hard on what to blog, and hopefully this one will be a success so I can blog more about what I have been thinking about, but initially I feel that maybe a welcoming blog and what it is really like to live with someone with dyspraxia.
As you may (or may not) be aware, me and Rosie have been dating for nearly 3 years now, and we finally moved in together in September of last year. It's pretty fair to say its been a big step for us both. I initially had a few reservations - and I'm sure Rosie did too. My concern for Rosie was that in the previous few years of travelling down to London, I've always met her at Euston and taken her to and from my house (In Croydon, South London) - even if it was at 10pm at night! Plus her fear of escalators, and the issue of crowded spaces with lots of ambient noises! But more on that in a later blog - if this blog is a success I will hopefully blog a couple of more times!
Living with Rosie, going to concerts, seeing places, and most importantly meeting friends, means I get to see all sides of someone who has Dyspraxia, where as others might only see a few different sides but not always the whole picture. I truly believe that those who suffer from dyspraxia really do see the world in a different way to everyone else. This has major advantages over the traditional way of seeing life, but on the flip side it has it's challenges.
Rosie has undoubtedly the most creative mind I've come across - but she is also extremely intelligent and determined things might take her that bit more longer but when she does she has the determination to overcome what has been stuggling her, I mean you don't get a Masters Degree by twiddling your fingers and not having the motivation to do so! This comes across in her daily life with ease, she's always thinking about something, be it Mollie's Birthday Book, to what event she can attend next, what to next blog about, how we can both help a charity etc. You think of it, Rosie already has done, plotted a way to get there, and how to reach the outcome - which is where the disadvantages also kick in, as Rosie's set ways are very methodical and sometimes if I suggest a change, or an alternation (even if it screaming out as a logical change) the dyspraxic mind challenges this change.
Despite working in a school, I don't come across Dyspraxia on a daily basis outside of Rosie, so I can only imagine this is the same for most people, which throws up social issues. Rosie, and I presume most other people with dyspraxic, tend to suffer from spacial awareness issues - there is more to this than just simply bumping into objects such as crossing the road - and in areas where there is high levels of sensory - such as music concerts - the combination of noise, the sheer number of people, and the large scale of the venue, can lead to mass confusion, there has been many a time where Rosie has - unexpectedly - become an anxious wreak at a concert , which has led to anxiety attacks . Living with Rosie I do my best to calm her down and bring her mind back on track, but for others this can be quite a moment for those who don't experience this on a normal basis. We are very lucky and have understanding friends, but I can see this being an issue for other people with dyspraxia.
People with dyspraxia can also struggle with most things which others take for granted such as fine motor skills and every day tasks can take 10x longer than the average person- so if Rosie has a nap you know why. The nature and stigma which surrounds dyspraxia and other hidden conditions, is that every day is the same struggles and people can never get over their issues, but no day is the same every day is different but with the right help and understanding dyspraxia shouldn't be a barrier to sucess and independence.
The key for me is that living with a dyspraxic person you can often have to deal with the outright amazing and lows all within a 24 hour period. The 24/7 nature of life in 2015 isn't dyspraxic friendly, social medial, television, concerts, music, all stimulates the mind for good (and bad) reasons, and those who don't live with others with dyspraxia might not totally understand that something that might be said which most people will brush off under the carpet, or ignore, will trigger that wonderful mind of the dyspraxic, and will get them thinking - and this can lead to chaotic results.
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