Friday 24 October 2014

Dealing with change

Firstly I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who read my blogs for dyspraxia awareness week it means so much, I hope it helped you get a better understanding of dyspraxia and hopefully will help others out there too.

My next blog isn't specific to any kind of hidden condition I know a lot of people with hidden conditions do struggle with change but also lots of people who don't do too, so I hope this blog helps. I have just encountered one of the biggest changes in my life moving to London away from my family, home, dog and life to start a fresh chapter in life with my boyfriend and starting a new job.

 For many years I hated change, I was afraid of it. I used to sit and watch the world change around me, I’d see other people branching out and exploring the unknown and I’d always wish I could be more like them but I never really had it in me to do anything about it. I would always make excuses about why I couldn’t change, I’d tell myself it was never the right time, someone or something was holding me back, when really I was just holding myself back. I was partially happy with my everyday routine, I had friends and family close by and my day to day was comfortable enough to just stick around and  go along. It was easier that way a lot of people with dyspraxia/dyslexia or mental health issues can especially dislike change, we have our little routines which we do, some harder to break than others, we need time to plan going to events and our life. I used to get very upset and emotional if changes were made to my routines like if I was to see friends and the plans were cancelled or changed it used to really throw me. I still struggle with this a bit but as I've got older I've got used to dealing with these and I don't get as upset, although if a big change happens to me I do get very overwhelmed and anxious.

Change can be hard, going into the unknown can be scary especially if you struggke with anxiety
, and the fear of failure is overwhelming but sometimes we don’t fail, sometimes it can be a blessing.
I've always had this huge fear of failure and that I would never be good enough which was instilled from previous negative experiences. I always thought I would make mistakes or everyone around me would be so much more better and confident than me. I always had a fear of upsetting others and was in a negative cloud of overthinking, it was much easier to me in my head to not make any changes.

I don’t know what changed in me but something did. I realised that the life I was living wasn’t making me happy so I changed it with the support of my boyfriend and others around me who I'm forever grateful for. I got flipped giving Mollie King her birthday book with my friend and boyfiend and it got put on youtube. This a few years ago would have been terrifing to me, the thought of so many people hearing me speak and waffle on, afterwards Mollie wrote me a very nice note which I will be forever appreciative. After watching it back I realised what a big change had hapened and wht I had overcome, I realised what a difference small things can make so I thought "what if I apply this to the real world?"


Whilst some of the changes which have happened have been very overwhelming recently and it's made a huge dip in my anxiety levels I'm proud of what I've achieved and what I've come through, I'm proud that I took the HUGE leap to change my life for the better and I hope this blog no matter what battles you struggle with you can give some comfort that you can do it. Change will probably always be an issue to me, I'll always have my little routines and comforts but change can help you grow as a person too. When I look back at myself a year ago and see how far I've come and the little changes I've made. We all make changes in our own time and at our own speed and you shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed if you take longer than others. Please also try and understand that in others undertand how fragile change can make them be there for them the little things really do matter.


One thing I’ve learnt in the past couple of months is that everyone needs change, we need it to grow, so we can learn more about who we are and so we can become who we need and want to be. We may not like it and it may scare us but in the end we’ll be thankful for the step we took.
Open your eyes to opportunities everything can help you grow, and help you change for the better and be proud of your sucesses.


Change, change your life, take it all (change your life and take it all)
You’re gonna use it to become what you’ve always known (become what you’ve always known)- Little Mix Change Your Life.

Saturday 18 October 2014

Ask the blogger!

Here comes my final blog to end dyspraxia awareness week. I thought it would be nice for people to ask any random questions they had either about dyspraxia or other issues too I hope my answers can give some positivity and a little bit of hope. Some of the questions are quite personal and before I start answering them although I can give the best advice I can im not professionally trained and if you are struggling severely please seek medical help or contact one of the amazing charities or organisations out there as there are many people who can help, you are not alone. Also whilst I can do my best to answer some of these questions I'm not making out I have fully recovered from some of the issues talked about some are still a daily struggle but if I can make others feel not alone it's all worth while.

1. How did you decide what the blog was on and how did you get started?
I think my reasonings might suprise and shock people a little. My blog to be honest was created as a way of venting and expressing my feelings and experiences at the time. I was in a job where there was a lot of ignorance surrounding me, there was no undertanding towards hidden conditions in the slightest never mind the positives. It made me determined to make a change and help others out there, although at the time I had no idea what it was I was almost silenced by social anxiety I would go days, weeks, months unable to speak barely only to the children I worked with I began to cope by self harm but realised this wasn't the way to deal with it at all and began to blog my ideas so I could verbalise what was going on in my head as not only was it upsetting me but I could see it was visably upsetting the people around me. I wanted to change a negative experience into a positive and make people feel that they weren't alone. I always used think my problems weren't worth talking about or not as severe and others deserved help more than me. But then I realised to help others I had to help myself. In the media you never really hear the realness of hidden conditions talked about its mainly about reading and spelling and as for dyspraxia many still have no idea what it is although the dyspraxia foundation is doing an amazing job to make people more aware. A lot of the people who spoke out about their experiences were celebrities which is great but I think it's so important that people see how hidden conditions can effect people on a day to day life this is where the name came from for people to start thinking outside the box and see the bigger picture one of the many positive aspects of having a hidden condition. I had a lot of people coming to me for advice especially about difference, on social Media differnce was either seen as something cool or something wanted and cute or it made someone weird or a freak. I wanted people to see the realness of difference especially in adulthood and nothing to be ashamed of and to educate others especially about issues not really talked about in the media such as social skills and general day to day life that many people take for granted. Later my blog began to focus on more mental health issues too as many people can struggle with both and 1 in 4 people will struggle at some point in life.
That's how I got started really the determination to make a difference and so people
had the help and understanding they needed so they wouldn't have to cope via self harm or other self destructive methods this is something which I haven't really spoken about in many of my blogs before but I think people need to understand the importance of understanding. I would hate for young people to have to self harm because they feel like that so understanding will always be a very important issue for me in my blogs. It was  show to others what you can achieve and overcome and that things shouldn't hold you back in life  and that you can change your life and feel better and that happiness is possible. Although blogs can focus on many other things so just go for it and let your imagination take you away.

2. What are the positives aspects of being a person with dyspraxia?
I feel being dyspraxic has made me a very undertanding and empathetic person I always take time to get to know someone and see the best in people which can sometimes get me into trouble as I can be far too nice but it's made me have a deeper awarenss and undertanding of what it's like to be different and understand that life isn't all sparkles and sunshines. It's made me a very determined person to overcome any battles that I come across and also issues and causes which are close to me, if someone makes out I can't do something it makes me 10x more determined to prove them wrong and to show them I can. It's also made me a very creative person who can see the bigger picture I can often have random bursts of creativity and can visualise in my head how I want things to look im
Pretty proud of how mollie king's birghday book has looked over the years Its also made me a really hard worker as many people with dyspraxia and dyslexia have to work 10x harder just to do simple day to day things.


3. What attitudes have you experienced towards dyspraxia and why do you think these are?

A lot of the attitudes I've experienced towards dyspraxia because it's a hidden condition so you can't see someone might be struggling. In the past people have questioned my ability to do well in education and I got made to feel stupid and worthless. Dypraxia can be quite a messy condition I'll probably always the person who spills her drink or has to ask if I have half my dinner round my mouth, my bedroom always looks like a bomb has hit it ( sorry Matt) and handwriting can sometimes resemble Egyptian symbols. A lot of people have thought that this was because I was lazy or wasn't trying hard and that I didn't take enough time or care and I was just basically careless. I even got told I was a bad role model. I think all of this sadly down to ignorance and people assuming they know about a condition without seeing the bigger pictures and what people CAN do and the positives.

4. How do you cope when your anxiety is high?
This is very hard for me as sometimes when I'm in an anxious mindset it can trigger negative thinking which can lead to tears and anxiety attacks and then a complete burn out. My advice firstly is not to be embarrassed or ashamed of feeling like this you can't help what your brain is doing. Id say let it initially do its course and make sure you tell Others around you maybe a key word or phrase when you feel like this. Id say make sure you can get fresh air and breathe, write down what might be worrying you and if it's itrational or not try and have as much a calm in your life as you can remove things or people who may be triggers or which might have a detrimental effect on your emotional well being. Start the day with a good breakfast, read a positive quote and start each day as its a fresh start, be proud of yourslelf of dealing with things which scare you it takes a lot of strength. Also seek professional help if you struggle continuously on a daily basis there are therapies and medications which can help you.

5. What are your best strategies to deal with change?
Fear of the unknown is one of my biggest anxieties the constant "what if"  the constant fear of embarrassing yourself or messing up. A lot of dyspraxic people hate change too a lot of us have our little routines in place and if there's changes it makes us anxious. I think everyone knows my need of
Pepsi max on a daily basis just to name one. My advice is to write down the positive outcomes, and just go for it I know it's easier said than done but sometimes you just have to go for it and do it and give yourself a big reward at the end of it pamper yourself, go shopping have some
Chocolate treat yourslelf to a little something to show you've done something positive and treat yourself to kind words, be proud of youself.

6. How do you deal with negative thinking?
When you're struggling it can seem like its a constant spiral of negative thoughts either about yourslef or about situations, when you feel down and low I call it the trapped feeling and it's like this huge pressure of sinking feeling hits you maybe will make sense to some of you. Many people with anxity can also struggle with depression to any kind of severity again nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Its again about looking after yourself and doing little things which make you happy even little things which can help you feel a little bit better, write down a list of positives on your phone. Much to my boyfriends delight when I moved into his, his wardrobe now has a section of everything I've got signed by mollie king, positive quotes by her and some positive messages by which help me stay strong and motivated. Maybe do this for yourself maybe you have a celebrity you look up to or have some favourite quotes having them up can really make things a little better, also again if you feel Like this talk to others don't be ashamed I love the campaign by time to change about making time to talk, I think everyone should make time to talk to people closest to them. Also again like in the last post if you feel like this a lot it might be worth seeking professional help, these are things with the right help and understanding and time you can recover from they just take time again be proud of yourslef for helping yourself.

7. How do you deal with social anxiety?
Society expects people to socialise in a certain way and often people feel embarrassed if they don't fit into the mould, we also live in a very alcohol culture. The best advice I can give is to be in social situations you feel most comfortable in, don't feel like you have to conform and fit in. Spend time
With people who make you feel good and confident socially. Id much rather spend a night in a nice pub or bar with wine and cocktails with a small group of people who I could have good conversation with than a huge group of people and being an anxious wreck and not being able to talk.

8. What if anxiety effects your sleep?
I know if I'm particularly anxious I struggle to sleep and I know as a knock on effect mh
boyfriend struggles to sleep too (sorry Matt) so if you ever see Matt with huge eye bags uou
Probably know the reason why. I think to help this is to turn all social media off and put your phone somewhere not near your bed to charge over night, maybe have a bath or a shower, listen to some relaxing music.

9. How do you deal with anxiety at Pop concets?
As boring as its sounds I've found lots of alcohol and the sensory iaaues of noise and lights, and the butterflies of seeing an artist you love perform live were having a huge effect on my anxiety levels, try and find a place where you have space to breathe, let the people you're with know you might be struggling so they know, make sure you keep drinking water, turn your phone onto airplane mode,
and just get into the zone and try and let yourself escape for an hour or two.

10. What advice would you give to Someone who is about to give up on something because it seems too hard?

Everyone has something they find more difficult in life but really work at it and don't let it hold you back, break it down into manageable chunks, make sure you're enjoying it if not find something you do enjoy. Things are never going to be easy but they're going to be worth it in the long run the hard work will pay off and take you to another step in life to where you want to be.

Wednesday 15 October 2014

Ask a Dyspraxic: Daily LIfe and memory/organisation

Thank you so so much for all your views and comments of my previous blog for Dyspraxia Awareness week on confidence and self esteem. Yesterday I was lucky enough to go to the Houses of Parliamemt where I saw inspirational speeches especially by MP Emma Lewell Buck she even said said she was proud of me which meant so much. In her speech she talked about quirkiness and what a valuable thing it is to she celebrated. It was such a good evening too celebrate a charity so close to my heart. I also enjoyed meeting up with good friend Kerry Pace. I've decided to do do blogs in one as I was exhausted from all the travelling done yesterday both blogs seem to coincide with each other.  Organisation and memory has been the bane of mine, my boyfriend's and my families lives for as long as I can remember. It's probably one of the things which I've struggled with the most whether it be organisaing myself, my body in relation to space or my day to day life. I've been incredibly lucky to have such an important network of people around me my mum has helped me out so much and got me out of so many pickles over the years.  Her anxiety levels of nearly going through red lights or me nearly missing trains. On a personal level my organisation and memory has definitely had a huge impact on my anxiety often feeling anxious way before leaving the house due to having forgotten somethung or not being able to find something. I describe the feeling of disorganisation as spaghetti head or chaos this can lead to anxiety and panic attacks and have a detrimental effect on my emotional wellbeing so I hope some of these questions can help yourself, a family member or a friend. Even if you aren't dyspraxic.

1. Do you have any tips on organising yourself for work/ school/ college?
  • I try to make my lunch the night before and have my bag packed so it's all good to grab.
  • I write lists of the things I might need for the day on a whiteboard opposite my bed so it's the first thing I look at when I wake up so I know where to look and can mentally check them off.
  • I make sure I put my Oyster card in the same place
  • I make people around me aware if I need something important to be reminded about.

2 how do you deal with chaos? 
  • Breathe
  • Try and work out why chaos has happened and what you could do differently.
  • Find something positive to do to build your confidence back up later
  • Sleep- it often takes dyspraxic people 10x more effort to carry out simple day to day tasks to a high standard this can be very tiring, make sure you get enough sleep.
  • Spend time with a pet/take a dog for a walk
  • Have a hug never underestimate the power of a hug
  • Tomorrow is another day

3. How do you deal with sensory overload when in crowds/busy places

  • Choose your time to go
  • Listen to music to block out the noise of busy crowds
  • Plan journeys in good time
  • Have a copy of your journey saved on your phone.
  • Make people you're close with aware of these needs.
4. How do you not loose things?

  • Have specific places for things like phone purse etc
  • Have special places in a bag/handbag to keep certain things
  • Don't overload bags with things you don't need.

Monday 13 October 2014

Ask A Dyspraxic: Confidence, Self Eseem and Mental Health

Firstly thank you so much to everyone who has sent in a question for this blog I really hope this blog can give some hope and light to you and maybe help even in the slightest. Even if you aren't dyspraxic maybe some of the advice can be helpful for you too as many many people struggle with the topics of these blogs so I hope it helps you too.
The Dyspraxia Foundation launched some statistics today in response to a survey they conducted on dyspraxic teenagers some of the statistics were shocking but not surprising to me. Over 95% of dyspraxic teenagerss admitted to struggling with anxiety, 70% experienced bullying and 84% left out of a social situation. I've personally experienced all 3 either directly or also indirectly due to dyspraxia especially as a teenager and into adulthood too. This is personally probably the hardest blog for me to write for awareness week as it's something to be completely honest is work in progress and probably always will be but its something which I'm very passionate about raising awareness of as a lot of people who struggle with low self esteem and confidence can go on to develop additional mental health issues. But you're not alone and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope my questions and answers help some of you out there,

1. How should I help my child with emotional issues?
My advice would be to try and get the child alone and when not upset use basic language and ask if there is anything which may be bothering them, maybe have something positive to look forward to or play with to help boost self esteem and confidence.

2. My daughter has obsessions which are worrying her.
I think a lot of dyspraxic Young people can develop obsessions or become attached to interstes and know a lot about the subject this can be a very positive thing as can help the person relax but also a lot of dyspraxic people can be over thinkers and I think if an obsession is becoming distressing maybe tell them to focus on other positive things which are going on and encourage them to talk when something is distressing to them so they can ask out for help.

3 I hate being different
As a young person and adult difference is such a difficult issue to deal with whether you have dyspraxia or not and its hard when everyone around you is doing something which is completely different to you, often this can lead to bullying and negative perception. How hard it is you have to just accept it and in time become proud of it as it makes you who you are, talk to others about maybe the quirkier aspects of dyspraxia so they have a better understanding but also embrace them. Difference is so much better than being a clone or sheep baaaa baaa. Difference can be a very good thing when it comes to employment.

4. How do you appear confident in social situations?
This is something which I find difficult especially in new ones or in big groups of people as I can never focus on more than one conversation going at once, I can also take things literally which can lead to humour and interesting situations. If it's at work it's like i put on an act and it's almost like you're acting out the role in front of students. My advice would be to stick to small groups of people and breathe.

5. I struggle  with anxiety
Anxiety can be a huge problem whether you have dyspraxia or not. A lot of dyspraxic people can find  anxiety in organisation and memory which I'll cover in more depth in a later blog. But anxiety can also be there for a variety in social situations too. I've found sessions of CBT helpful to my anxiety as it can be quite severe at times.  But the best thing I can suggest is that you talk to someone if you're experiencing anxiety on a daily basis it's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about and you can recover from it. But telling a family member or a friend what's going on is something which can be so helpful and take a weight of your mind. Simple things to help anxiety would be to write down any worries, make sure you do things which you enjoy and don't beat yourself up and most importantly take a few minutes to breathe.


6, My son gets bullied because of being dyspraxic and its really getting him down.
firstly I would say to make sure the school is aware all schools have an anti bullying policy also to remind him of all the positive things about him maybe write them down for him, get him involved in activities which he enjos a lot of dyspraxic people struggle with sport so maybe find a hobby or interst where he feels comfortable with.

7.  People don't undertand what dyspraxia is.
Although thanks to the incredible work done by the dyspraxia foundation and others to raise awarenss of dypraxia it's often not heard of as much as other hidden conditions such as dyslexia the best advice I would give us to keep talking and keep
Speaking out and keep getting people aware of what it is and the amazing positives people can have too.

8. My daughter has begun to self harm.
This is quite a sensitive subject but I thought it was an important issue to address for
Anyone who may be struggling regardless of hidden condition my advice would be not to judge or assume, give as much support as you can boost the positives she has and tell her she is worth so much more than to do this to herself and she is worth recovery.

That's all my questions answered I hope they have helped some people out there. Tomorrow I am off to the houses of parliament to celebrating dyspraxia awarenss with the dypraxia foundation something which I feel so privaliged to be attending. Tomorrows blog theme is on day to
Day life please email your questions to: askadyspraxic@gmail.com or leave me a Facebook comment or tweet.

Wednesday 8 October 2014

I understand

This week I started a new job in London after moving and relocating from my family home. I don't particularly like change and was already feeling anxious. Due to previous bad experiences in university and in the work place I developed severe social anxiety about being open about my dyspraxia/dyslexia and other issues bothering me. I automatically assumed people would not understand and never would it was like I'd built a wall of anxiety about it unless someone knew me very well I'd shake have sweaty palms and stutter trying to explain it or just go mute as I couldn't find the words to overcome the anxiety. This happened for nearly 4/5 years the same crippling anxiety and fear. It got to the point where I got told in a job and I hadn't disclosed anything and I got told that they were unable to extend my contract because they said I was struggling I thought if I had disclosed would this still have happened? I sunk into a dark place and coped in ways which I wasn't proud of. Then I saw Mollie King was on the surgery a random burst of confidence made me phone up physically shaking and stammering they thought I was a lot younger than I was. I didn't get through but Mollie did give me advice, that advice was possibly life changing and life saving she explained how she had opened up about her own difficulties to her friends and how I should tell people and it would be ok, she also sent me a very nice dm saying how she had felt the same I sobbed nobody had ever said that before to me.

Then after a hellish 2 years in a job where disclosing definitely wasn't going to lead to understanding the same anxiety came back the same dark place but more intense and more crippling sometimes I would struggle to get out of bed in the morning and became near enough mute in work only speaking mainly to the children I felt like there was no hope and I wasn't worthy of it. After receiving professional help I was able to have the confidence to apply for a new job. I was successful and now we fast forward back to the train journey on Monday morning and I was dreading having to admit to mew work the question would they understand kept appearing in my mind. But as part of my job requires me to to sometimes scribe for students I had no choice. But in my surprise my boss said "I'm severely dyslexic I'll help you I understand" I nearly burst into tears on the spot, how two words could mean so much. The meaning of this blog is really is to try and understand others around you and what needs or difficulties they may have maybe Google it if unsure. Don't automatically dismiss someone because they have a hidden condition get to know them, embrace the differences and most importantly the positives. You never know what an asset to your life they could be. Also I hope this blog opens people's eyes to how lack of awareness can have a knock on effect on mental health, self esteem and confidence.  We live in such a banter culture sometimes where often people are scared of showing their caring side. Go and tell someone you understand them today even if you've never had the same issues as them, you might make their day, week, year, life. You could help save a life.

Things take time

Hi everyone I hope you're well? I first began to write this blog back before the first lockdown and have recently got around to re-editi...